Not Sorry

His body is beautiful. It’s all abs and muscles and tan, not like my fair skin that never gets to see the light of day here in Chicago.

He walks over to the nightstand and pulls out a condom before slipping out of his jeans and underwear. As he walks back toward the bed, I turn my head away, too embarrassed to even look at him.

He laughs. “You can look, Olive.”

I do even though I know my cheeks are now bright red with embarrassment. I eat him up with my eyes.

But the way he carries his body and walks toward me before climbing up on top of the bed makes me realize how much I want to be like him. It’s a crazy thought that I want to be like a man I hate. But I can learn a lot from Sean. I’d love to be able to walk into a room and carry my head high, no matter what stupid things I end up doing.

“Like what you see?” he asks with a smirk.

“Yes. You like what you see?” I say bravely, shocked at myself for being so bold.

His eyes travel down my body and then back up to my eyes. “I already have your body forever etched into my memory. I love it so much.”

I bite my lip, and then he shocks me by tossing me the condom and rolling over onto his back.

“Fuck me, Olive.”

I can’t tell if he is giving me the control or if he’s keeping the control by demanding that I fuck him instead of him fucking me. Now, I’m suddenly nervous again. He clearly has much more experience than I do.

I swallow hard as I rip the condom wrapper open and take the condom out. And then I look at Sean’s eyes as he dares me to prove to him that I’m not some naive, scared woman. It’s just another test. It’s just, this time, the test is sex.

I grab his dick harder than I should but enough to show him that I’m taking back control. And then I roll the condom down on top of it before I throw my leg over him, straddling him as my hands claw at his chest. I lower my lips to his and kiss him hard, like he did to me, before I fuck him.

I wince a little as his dick slides inside me. I’m not used to someone his size—or used to sex much anyway. I haven’t had sex in over a month. Owen simply didn’t have the time. Now, I know why. Owen was seeing another woman on the side. He was fucking. Just her and not me.

“Use it,” Sean says with a grin.

He knows what I’m thinking, that I’m thinking about Owen. He knew I would the second I started having sex with another man who wasn’t Owen. So, I do. I thrust up and down on top of Sean’s dick, using my hatred for Owen, taking it out on sex with Sean. And, as good as it feels, I need Sean to help me get there again. I can’t move like he does.

“What do you want, Olive? Tell me,” Sean says.

“I want your tongue on my nipples again.”

He sits up, and his lips cover my nipple. His tongue teases me again as it dances between my breasts while his eyes find mine. He makes me moan louder, bringing me closer but not quite there. Sean raises an eyebrow at me, challenging me to keep telling him what I want, to take control. I’m thankful to have some control again, but I know that, as I long as I keep fucking him like this, I’ll never get what I want.

“Fuck me, and make me come,” I say.

He grins as he grabs my hips and starts moving me up and down and in a circular motion, much faster and harder than I could on my own. His mouth stays on my tit, and I groan loud, like I’ve never groaned before. So loud that I’m sure the whole building heard me. He doesn’t tell me to come or to quiet my screams. He just gives me one more dirty look and thrusts harder, making me scream and orgasm all over his hard dick.

It takes me a second to calm my breathing, but when I do, he says, “That was for you. This one is for me…and maybe you.”

Before I have time to think, he pulls out of me and flips me over face-first onto the bed. His dick enters hard from behind me. I struggle for air as he fucks me hard against the bed. He smacks my ass hard twice. Hard enough that it brings tears to my eyes, but not so hard that I want him to stop. And then he comes hard and fast while screaming out my name before collapsing onto my back. We stay like that, stuck together, both recovering from one of the best fucks of my life.

Sean slowly gets up and says, “Want to take a shower with me? I’m sure we can find something fun to do in the shower.” He winks at me.

I roll onto my back, smiling, trying to give myself a few more seconds to recuperate before I say yes to my first time getting fucked in a shower.

But then Sean’s eyes grow wide as he stares at me, and I’m afraid, now that the sex goggles are gone, he sees something in me that he doesn’t like.

“What?”

Sean frowns and seriously looks at me. “Olive, please tell me you weren’t a virgin.”

I bite my lip to try to keep from laughing because he will be far too fun to play with in this moment. I look down at the two spots of blood staining his white sheets. “It was my first time…” I say.

“Oh my God, Olive! I can’t believe you tricked me like that. I would never have fucked you if I knew you were a virgin. I don’t do virgins. Far too clingy, and I’m not good with all the emotions and crap…” Sean keeps rambling, but I don’t hear him because I’m dying laughing at him freaking out.