Not Sorry

My phone doesn’t get reception while riding the L train, so I couldn’t even spend my ride home looking him up. Instead, my mind came up with all sorts of crazy things. He’s in the mob. He sells drugs. He’s a porn star.

Everything that I came up with just made me more and more concerned that, whatever Sean does, it isn’t good. I need to text Jamie. She

knows what Sean does. Surely, she wouldn’t let him run the company if he was into illegal stuff. Would she?

I climb up the seven flights of stairs to my apartment since the elevator is still broken—and most likely, always will be. I unlock the door and step inside, still thinking about Sean.

“Where have you been? I’ve been going crazy here!” Keri says as I walk into my one-room loft.

After seeing Sean’s place, I feel even more like I live in a closet. My kitchen has a fridge that barely fits a bottle of wine, a microwave that also functions as an oven, one burner plate, and three cabinets for storage. The rest of the room consists of a small TV balanced on top of a trunk filled with my clothes, and sitting across from it is my daybed that also functions as my couch. The door to the bathroom is next to my bed where I have a toilet and a shower that I can barely turn around in. The only nice part about my apartment is the balcony that I can barely fit a chair on, but if I sit out there and squint really hard while tilting my head to one side, then I can see Lake Michigan from between the buildings.

“What are you doing here?” I ask.

Keri shakes her head. “No. You answer me first. I was this close to calling the police to report you missing!” she says, moving her index finger and thumb close together.

“I was with Sean,” I say, as I put my purse down.

“Who?” Keri asks.

I blush just a little. “My boss.”

Now, Keri’s eyes grow big. “Why didn’t you answer any of my messages then? It’s not like he took you to Antarctica or someplace that doesn’t have any reception!” Keri yells at me.

I pull my phone out of my purse and blush, more embarrassed that I didn’t even notice that I had any messages from anyone other than Sean.

“Oh my God!” Keri says slowly as she realizes what happened. “You let him fuck you, didn’t you?” She throws up her hands. “I can’t believe you. I give up on you, Olive. I’ve really tried to get you to see your own self-worth and to stop dating these horrible guys who do nothing but hurt you, but you have to help yourself, too!”

“Sean didn’t hurt me. Owen did, but Sean didn’t! I knew what I was getting into with Sean.”

“How could he not? He fucked you and then left you, didn’t he? They all do.”

I frown. “But, unlike Owen, he was up-front and told me he was going to leave me. I knew what I was getting into with Sean. I don’t even like him! I just needed some mind-blowing sex! I just needed something to make me forget about what Owen did.”

Keri shakes her head. “It might not hurt now. But I know you, Olive. What happens when you want this guy to take you out to dinner or hold your hand during a romantic movie, and he says no? Then, how are you going to feel?”

My frown deepens. She really is never going to understand how I feel. That, for once in my life, I made the right decision for myself and not the wrong one.

I dig my phone out of my purse and search Sean Burrows on my phone and wait for his image to show up, and then I push the phone in her face. “Do you really think I thought a guy like this was going to be into anything more than a one-time fuck? And do you really think I would pass up an opportunity to fuck a guy like Sean?”

“Holy shit!” Keri says, grabbing the phone from me. “You really fucked him?” she asks, not able to tear her eyes away from the image that really doesn’t even do him justice.

I grin. “Yes.”

“Oh my God! Tell me everything! Was he as amazing in bed as I imagine him to be?”

“Better.”

“No way!” Keri says, typing something on my phone.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“Sending the picture to my phone,” Keri says with a smile.

I roll my eyes and grab my phone back before walking over and taking a seat on my daybed. I grab one of the pillows and squeeze it in my lap while Keri sits down next to me.

“As much as I want to hear more about Sean, I have to ask you about Owen. What happened? He called me last night, frantic that you had gone crazy and said you broke up with him. That’s why I came over last night.”

That’s when I notice that my bed isn’t made, and it’s clear that Keri spent the night sleeping in my bed.