“But won’t you hurt your family when you don’t marry me?”
I shake my head. “The only person that is left to hurt is my grandmother. I’ll tell her the truth.”
He nods, still thinking. “This is a lot of work for something that might not work out the way you planned.”
I nod. “I have to do it. For Danielle.”
He nods, still thinking. “He has to fall in love with you to make this work.”
“He will.”
I look at Wes in the eyes, and I know he’s still in love with me. Making men fall in love with me is never the problem. I always have the problem of falling in love with the man.
Wes nods, obviously agreeing that he will fall in love with me. “You can’t fall in love with him.”
I laugh. “I won’t.”
“I killed her,” I say when Sloane finishes telling me her story.
Sloane nods solemnly.
“I knew I was a monster, but I never thought what I was doing was killing people.”
I look at the tears that are now filling Sloane’s eyes.
“I’m so sorry about Danielle. I never imagined that, that could happen. I’m so sorry she’s gone. I’m so sorry that it was my fault. I’m so sorry I caused you so much pain.”
“Sorry won’t bring her back. That’s the problem. I thought hurting you would make me feel better
. Would get justice for what you did to Danielle. But nothing can change the only thing that would make any difference. Danielle is dead, and nothing will bring her back.”
I feel my own tears welling in my eyes, looking at how much pain I’ve caused her. So much pain. And for what? So that I could play a game. So that I could have excitement in my life. It wasn’t worth it.
“If I could take it all back, I would.”
Sloane looks into my eyes, studying me for a moment. “I believe you would, but you can’t. And, every time I look at you, all I feel is pain.”
I swallow a lump in my throat. She doesn’t have to say anything more. I can already tell she means it, even when I thought she was in love with me, all she felt was pain, hurt, and anger. None of it was real. That is what she is trying to say. I’m just not sure I believe her. She has to be one hell of an actress to have slept with me. To have gotten me to fall in love with her and not feel anything in return.
“I thought I came here for closure. So that I could move on with my life and no longer be in pain. So that I might have a real chance at falling in love again,” I say.
She raises an eyebrow when I say love.
“But I realize now, that’s not why I came here. I didn’t come back here so that I could erase the pain you caused me. I came back because I love you, and I want to feel that pain every day.
“Now that I did something so unforgivable, I think it’s only right that I live with that pain every day. And I want you to be that reminder whether you are mine or not. I have to try to repay my debt to Danielle, to you, to the world.
“So, even though I know there is no chance of you ever loving me, I will always love you. There won’t be other women in my life, only you. There won’t be any more stealing, only giving. I can’t ask for forgiveness. All I can do is love you with all of my heart and deal with the consequences from what I caused.”
Sloane hasn’t taken a breath the entire time I’ve been talking. She just looks at me, frozen.
“Breathe,” I say.
She does, and then I continue, “The first time I stole was after my father died. He’d died in an armed robbery. The thieves got a hundred dollars in cash. A hundred dollars in cash. That is what my father died for. Something so incredibly ridiculous. I couldn’t make sense of it. The first time I stole, it was electric. I felt a rush like I’d never felt before. I realized that was why the thieves had stolen. Not because they wanted the money or reward at the end. It was the thrill of doing something you weren’t supposed to do, something that you might get caught doing.
“I know you can’t understand why I would steal when my father died that way. I guess it was my way of dealing and coping. I didn’t ever carry a gun or any weapon when I robbed. I just wanted to feel alive again.”
“You might not believe me, but I understand why. My grandfather died of smoking, which only made me smoke more. Cigars, anything I could get my hands on. It just helps you feel closer to that person in some way. I get it,” she says.