“Why? Why would you do something like this? I told you I left New York because of him. What’s wrong with you?”
Jake could barely breathe, still tormented by the memory of briefly losing his bodily autonomy. It had only lasted seconds, but the fear of it happening again shook Jake to the core. “I wanted you gone! I panicked! You do something to me I don’t understand, and I can’t cope with it!”
Vars’s frown deepened. “What do you mean? What do I make you do? Is this about the goo?”
“No! It’s about how I felt when I sucked you off, or when you fucked me, or when you as much as brush against me in the kitchen.” He was ashamed to admit any of it, but Vars deserved the truth after what Jake had done to him. “Like you have this energy that wraps around me and doesn’t let go. Sometimes, I just want you to have me. And that’s so, so wrong, because the other guys already seem to question if I’m man enough to get patched in. I can’t get into… this,” he gestured wildly, “with you. I can’t be like that. I’m not like that, get it?”
Vars chewed on Jake’s word-vomit in silence, but he eventually relaxed. “If you don’t want to be attracted to me so much you wanted to send that psycho after me, why have you held my hand?”
Jake curled his shoulders. “Because I want to be close. I can’t keep my distance anymore. I just don’t want… the other stuff. You know, the paddles, the cuffs. It freaks me out, and if the other guys knew what I let you do to me, I’d be the laughing stock of the club. They’d buy me a fucking gimp-suit for my birthday and think it’s all a great big joke!”
Vars exhaled, letting go of Jake and stumbling back until he hit a tree. He put his hands on his face, hiding behind the thick fingers. “Have you ever heard of something called conversation? You really thought making a mess of my life was the answer?”
Jake swallowed, with embarrassment growing in him like a tumor. “I’m… I’m sorry. But how was I supposed to persuade you to stop being so hot?”
Vars stilled, only to suddenly choke on laughter. “I can’t believe this shit. How did you even get his freaking number?”
Jake groaned, slowly getting the point that he could have talked to Vars about this all along. “I stole it, doesn’t matter. I guess it’s selfish to try and kick you out for something you can’t help. Once more, I’m sorry. You’ve been nothing but kind to me about the fucked-up shit going on.”
Vars took a deep breath. “If he comes here, you’re gonna help me out too. And I am gonna need all the help I can get. He’s an assassin with crazy ninja skills.”
“Yes, yes, I will definitely help. Totally.” Jake nodded, but then frowned, only now connecting the dots. “Wait. So this assassin was your submissive?”
Vars rolled his eyes. “Yeah. He likes it if his Dom pretty much tosses him into dirt and bleeds him for dessert. What does this have to do with anything?”
Jake stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I just… It’s hard for me to imagine that kind of guy would roll over for someone else.”
Vars shook his head and moved toward the clubhouse. “You know nothing. What a man likes in sex is in no way related to what he does outside his bedroom.”
Jake followed Vars, watching his back in awe, despite it looking somewhat silly in Jake’s puffy winter jacket. “I guess,” he muttered, unconvinced. Would he even want to get into all that BDSM stuff? He was hot for Vars, but no matter how fondly he remembered the sex in the garage, he was way in over his head.
Vars looked at Jake with an unspoken question in his eyes, and Jake felt compelled to answer. He stumbled over the words as if his mouth was full of Legos.
“You like to be… um… very d-dominant in sex, and you kinda have that vibe all the time. That’s just who you are…?”
Vars gave a heavy sigh and slowed down until Jake caught up with him. He put his heavy arm around Jake’s shoulders and led him between the trees. “I felt from day one that we’re compatible that way.”
The closer they were to the building, the more nervous Jake was about not knowing what awaited him inside, even though the heavy arm around his shoulders provided a sense of safety.
“I might… I mean, I like to bottom. I like to give head, do the chores right, but it won’t work between us, because I can’t give you what you want.”
“What I want is a pretty, obedient boy.”
Jake sucked his lips in as they entered the building from a far-off, disused side where rot ran rampant and rats were kings. “None of the crazy painful shit?” Oh, how much Jake wanted to squeeze something out of Vars. There was no denying that the way Vars carried himself pushed all of Jake’s buttons, triggering arousal he didn’t know how to handle.