He had said that. He had rejected Shadow from the start, and then cast him away to rot in the dark. And after all this, Shadow still longed for his approval. Gray had never thought of himself as unkind, but maybe there was a part of him that longed to make another person as miserable as he was.
“I was angry. I got scared of what you wanted to do. You do have friends.”
The toothy smile Gray got from Shadow made his heart skip a beat.
Only then did he actually realize that had happened.
It shouldn’t have.
But it did.
Shadow was one handsome monster, with the beard or without it. The long black hair was now a tangle of smooth, glistening serpents that clung to Shadow’s neck and shoulders in the most enticing ways. His lips were full, nose straight and narrow, eyes staring at Gray with the kind of devotion he’d only ever seen reflected back at him in Mike’s eyes.
“What’s that smile for?” Gray asked, gently removing some of the stubble with the razor.
The scratching sound had Shadow backing away somewhat, but he must have understood Gray wasn’t out to hurt him, because he relaxed and leaned closer.
“Friends. I want to have them. I don’t want to be alone.” He spoke slowly, wary of the razor, so Gray managed to carry on with the shaving that revealed more of the handsome face. If Shadow’s looks were truly those of William Fane’s footman, Gray wasn’t surprised that the psycho from two hundred years back became so obsessed with the servant, because Shadow might not be human, but he was stunning.
“You will have them if you behave. And maybe even lovers. Who knows?” Gray mused, pulling his fingertip over the strip of smooth skin.
Shadow swallowed, his red eyes pinned to Gray. “Lovers?”
Gray fought the discomfort created by the vision of Shadow partaking in orgies. It felt all too similar to what he’d experienced every time Mike went off to join the sex parties. Maybe he shouldn’t have started this topic, but Shadow clearly had sexual needs, so maybe it was for the better if he were introduced to the concept. “It’s when you get physically closer with someone for pleasure. Then that person is your lover.”
Shadow clutched the edge of the tub and moved closer. He wouldn’t even blink, as if he were afraid breaking eye contact would put an end to the topic that held so much interest for him. “Like in that room with the red light? I saw people touching, and that one man kept pushing a part of his body into the woman. The moment I saw it, I knew I wanted to be inside you that way,” Shadow rasped, blowing hot air on Gray’s skin.
A shudder that was somehow both hot and cold ran down Gray’s back, but he sat still, hypnotized by the red gaze. “Yes… well, I never go to the red room. I don’t take part in any of that stuff, but you can if you want to.”
Shadow licked his lips, and when Gray removed the last of his stubble, it became hard to look away from his strong features. He’d really tried to think of Shadow as an inhuman creature comparable to an animal, but Shadow was most definitely a man.
“Why do you not go? Is it because you don’t have that slit?”
As offensive of a question it was, Gray couldn’t help a loud snort. They didn’t teach human anatomy in demon school, did they? “Most people are either men or women—”
“Oh. Yes. Knight told me some are women.”
Of course he would have. Knight had the libido of a rabbit and before Elliot, never missed an opportunity to fuck new lovers of any sex.
“Most women have that… slit. It’s called a vagina. Most men have a penis and balls. It’s what you and I have. I can have sex just fine with what I’ve got. I don’t go to the red room, because—” He stilled, unsure how to explain this without going into too much detail, so he distracted Shadow by washing off the remaining gel.
Shadow leaned into the touch with a purr and shut his eyes, as if the shaving had been foreplay. Had he jerked off during those endless hours in the cell? He surely must have.
“It’s all so new. Some of it I kind of know, and when I think about it really hard, it will come to the surface of my mind, as if it had just been buried by sand. But some is so fresh. If you don’t go to the red room, do you ever use the parts that you have?” he asked, blowing hot air on the damp skin of Gray’s palm.
Gray swallowed hard, wondering if he wasn’t going into too much detail, but then again how else was he to educate Shadow? “Sometimes. I don’t like being intimate with strangers or men who don’t feel just right. It’s complicated.”