Gray's Shadow (Kings of Hell MC 4)

“Go away,” Shadow said in the voice devoid of both the British accent and humanity. In the darkest corner, hugging a toddler-sized barrel of pancake syrup, it seemed that he wished to become its shadow and stay in this windowless space forever, taking care of the pests.

Gray sucked in air when he realized some of the bugs still twitched, but he fought through the wave of revulsion and stepped closer to Shadow. “Your body is dying. You need to get back into it, now!”

Shadow, who up to that point was just a black blob with shining eyes, shot up, once again gaining the tall, humanoid form. Four arms extended from his torso now, and when he raised them all, for a brief moment Gray tasted fear at the back of his tongue.

“No. I don’t want it anymore. You don’t understand how much it hurts,” Shadow barked in that strange hollow voice that sounded as if it were coming out of a sand-filled drainpipe.

Gray’s brain couldn’t keep up with any of this. All he knew was that if he couldn’t get Shadow back to the room on time, his pact with Baal would be void, and Jake’s mind would be consumed by Azog the Gargoyle. He could not allow that. Not after all he’d done to save Jake.

“What? What are you talking about?”

Shadow clawed his four hands against his massive torso. “These feelings are ripping me apart over and over! At least away from my body I don’t have to suffer the constant need. I’m not human, but I’m not a shadow anymore either. What am I? Why am I?”

Could a shadow demon go through an existential crisis? Clearly, he could.

Gray swallowed, taken aback by the raw emotion communicated by Shadow’s dull voice. He only hesitated for a moment before stepping closer to the large black creature that looked as if it had been covered by liquid latex. The four arms were spread wide, long and strong enough to rip his head off, but he felt no fear.

“I don’t know.”

“I’m cursed with a longing for a human who hates me. I thought leaving the body behind would be enough, but being free of its needs only magnified this suffering you will never understand. I was whole and now I am half!” With a toneless cry, he rapidly spun around and crawled behind the syrup barrel, as if he weren’t a demon but a wounded animal running from a hunter.

Gray was speechless, but continued stepping closer, as if Shadow’s words turned into a fist that pushed past his breastbone and pulled him in by the heart. “I do. I know exactly how you feel.”

“You don’t. You can’t wait to be rid of your own shadow,” Shadow lamented, and even though he had no face to express emotion, his red eyes burned with accusation so fierce guilt drilled its way through Gray’s chest.

There were so many ways he and Shadow were different from one another, but this sense of loss and abandonment was one of the few things they shared.

All this time, he’d viewed Shadow as a nuisance he needed to endure for just two months, a strange creature who acted like a human yet couldn’t understand human emotion or thoughts. And while Shadow most definitely wasn’t a person in the sense Gray was, he clearly did experience anguish and loss—something Gray had purposefully ignored so far.

He shouldn’t have. Shadow was in his care, and he should have been more mindful of him instead of inflicting unnecessary pain just because Shadow didn’t know how to navigate the human world.

“I shouldn’t have said what I said. Please, Shadow, come with me.”

And there it was. Without waiting for groveling or demanding apologies, Shadow turned to face Gray. Wary, yet ready to trust again just because Gray showed a glimmer of goodwill. He was like a dog who returned to the master who beat it whenever it heard its name called.

“I’ve never been alone before,” Shadow said, and this time there was a trembly quality to the deep, otherworldly tone of his voice.

Maybe him not understanding the concept of ‘privacy’ made sense after all.

Gray swallowed and joined Shadow in the corner, closing one of the black, wide hands in his. Ruby eyes shone like precious jewels in the dense matter that made up Shadow’s true form. As unnatural as they were, they’d stopped scaring him long ago. “You’re not alone now. Please, come with me.”

Shadow gave a low groan, but when Gray pulled on the smooth hand that felt exactly like the extra arm had, Shadow followed. Step by step, Gray sped up, thinking back to the ashen face of Shadow’s body, and already imagining flies laying eggs in the flesh, even though realistically it wouldn’t be happening just yet.

Too agitated to speak, he led Shadow back to the motel, then up the stairs, and into the room he’d forgotten to lock. When they entered, he was once again shocked to see Shadow’s handsome features frozen into a death mask.