Gray's Shadow (Kings of Hell MC 4)

“Why did you break up then?”

Gray took his time with the answer, continuously swallowing as if he was feeling nauseous. “Everything fell apart after Mike died. Pete didn’t understand how I felt. And in the end, he relocated. But we remained friends, and sex with him still feels nice, because I remember the connection we used to share so…” He ended up scowling. “I’m not proud of this.”

Shadow wasn’t sure what to say, so in the end he pulled Gray into a hug. He released a deep breath the moment Gray’s familiar body was in his arms—warm and smelling like moonlight. “I’m sorry I can’t give you what you need.”

Gray remained silent, but his arms slid around Shadow’s waist and squeezed until their bodies fit close together, with Gray’s hair tickling Shadow’s collarbones. “I want to be with people I build memories with. I’m sorry you were born like me.”

Shadow smelled Gray’s hair, shuddering when he realized this alone was enough to spike his senses when with Jared everything had fallen so flat. “I’m not. I’d rather spend the time I’ve got around you instead of getting physical pleasure from other people. No one compares to the way I feel about you, Gray.”

Gray pushed even closer, pressing Shadow against the wall as he hid his face in Shadow’s chest, breathing unevenly. “I’m sorry about tonight.”

“It’s not your fault.”

Gray peeled himself away, his eyes tinged with red. “No. No, it is. I shouldn’t have gone with Pete. I should have thought about your feelings… you know, given the situation.”

Given the situation that Shadow had just over a month left to live.

“Will we do things together then?” He asked, kissing the side of Gray’s head. Just being around Gray again was soothing. “I don’t mean sex.”

Gray looked up, and their noses almost touched in a moment that sparked fireworks at the back of Shadow’s head. But Gray didn’t kiss him. “Quiet night with movies okay with you?” he asked, rubbing Shadow’s face with the back of his hand instead.

Shadow grinned even though his eyes were still itchy. “Movies…”

“Not those movies, Shadow.”

Chapter 18

The night of the new moon crept up on Gray like a predator wanting to play with its prey before biting. Only a month left. Only twenty-nine days until Shadow was gone forever. The creature was such a disturbance to the routine of Gray’s life, and he seemed to suffer so much away from his brethren that Gray should’ve felt relieved by the passing time.

But he did not.

It was as if each day was the blink of an eye in the face of a cataclysm. He was standing in front of an avalanche heading his way, frozen in place and unable to save himself.

He couldn’t deal with this tonight.

He couldn’t look into Shadow’s eyes and watch them lose some of their intense color in favor of the unnatural trees.

So much had changed in this past month. Shadow, an unwanted beast Gray treated as a necessary evil had proved himself beyond trusting and devoted. He learned incredibly fast and longed to be accepted by the people around him like any other person.

He liked romantic movies, warm baths, and playing with Beast’s dog. After some initial apprehension, Hound had taken a surprising liking to Shadow, and they would go on long walks around the desolated parts of the building together. Gray suspected Shadow used the time away from prying eyes to hunt, but it was better not to think of that.

Either way, it was no longer possible to consider Shadow a ‘creature’.

And in moments of weakness, Gray didn’t just think of him as a person, someone he needed to protect and care for, but as a man. His big smile was so alluring Gray believed a single kiss might pull him into the void. There would be no going back. He allowed himself to cuddle with Shadow in the privacy of their bedroom, but anything beyond that was out of the question. He couldn’t become even more emotionally invested than he already was.

The start of the lunar month began the twenty-eight day long countdown that Gray wanted to ignore. So he made sure to avoid Shadow for hours before nightfall, and asked Knight to take Shadow to the trees, since he was going there anyway. A new shipment of jewels was a godsend in terms of excuses. Come nightfall, he would ride off with his brothers and work instead of ruminating about the one thing that made his nights sleepless—Shadow was now halfway through his miserably short life.

Only one month was left.

Only twenty-eight days.

Gray desperately needed the distraction.

Beast rubbed the sides of his head. “I don’t know how else to put it, brother. There’s no way around it. You’ve got only one arm. It doesn’t make sense to take you when we have so many able-bodied men to choose from.”