Shadow instantly went tense, watching Gray’s reaction, but he just swallowed the food and stared at the wall. “By ‘bottom’ you mean taking me into your body? That’s a problem? Is that why you were so angry when I talked about this with other people?”
Gray chewed on the inside of his cheek. He made an offhand comment about the worms not being all that bad, but it was clearly just his way of giving himself more time to think. “Yes. Because a real man should be in control. Taking another guy’s dick is submission, and men aren’t supposed to submit. It’s kinda convoluted. To an outsider, the club might seem like a paradise for a gay man like me. The Kings of Hell are technically all about freedom, so the guys can fuck anyone they want, and no one’s gonna judge them. But I wanted to bottom, and that crossed an unspoken line. Things have changed a bit since then, but that uneasy feeling is still ingrained in me. What if a former lover reveals private information about me? What if an enemy saw us as weak because of me, and it became a problem for my brothers?”
Shadow listened and took it all in, no matter how incredulous it sounded. If Gray was saying it, it was true. Still, he found it hard to comprehend that people would willingly impose so many unnecessary rules on each other. Then again, in a world where communication and understanding weren’t a given, perhaps keeping secrets and creating false realities offered benefits that couldn’t have been possible on the Other Side.
“I will never try to change you.”
Gray’s face became radiant, and he grabbed more worms out of the bowl before offering them to Shadow. “I know. If you didn’t start hating me after I locked you in the basement, I don’t think there’s anything that could change your mind about me.”
Shadow smiled and ate from Gray’s hand. “If I am to stay, though… will you help me fit in? Maybe not like in those videos I’ve seen, but I don’t want others to laugh at me. At first I didn’t mind, but now I see how it’s actually unpleasant. For some reason, laughing and smiling can be two very different things, but humans are like that. They like to make their lives more complicated.”
Gray kissed Shadow on the mouth while gently cupping his face. “Of course. I won’t let anything bad happen to you. And I will teach you about anything you want to know.”
Shadow leaned in and shut his eyes, savoring the scent of Gray’s flesh. “Would you teach me how to ride a bike? All of the Kings of Hell love it so much, and I want to be a part of that. I know you might not understand, but I still miss being a part of something bigger than just me.”
Gray didn’t chastise him or laugh at Shadow’s idea. He cleaned himself up and ate some more worms out of Shadow’s bowl, though Shadow guessed it was only meant for his benefit, as Gray soon returned to the fruit.
“Of course.”
Gray was about to get up when his phone beeped, and he exhaled, glancing at Shadow with a weak smile. He picked up the call and briefly explained that he was indeed perfectly fine. The voice, while muted, sounded very much like Rev, and Shadow was sorry that Gray had to talk to him so soon after the conversation they’d just had.
Gray soon hung up and sighed.
“They’ll be here tonight.”
Chapter 24
“Dear Shadow,
It has been a while since we talked, yet I have not stopped thinking about what you have said about souls. It took me some time, a few sleepless nights, and endless conversations with Beast, but I have come to the conclusion that you were right, and I was wrong. As you can imagine, it is not easy for a man to swallow his pride and admit that, but it is the only way to move forward.
I apologize for the dismissive way I have treated you and your worries about the very core of your existence among people. Maybe my soul and your shadow differ, but they both keep our beating hearts alive, and without either, we are flesh and bone without merit.
Hence, I have decided that I will no longer consider you a creature of Baal’s but your own being, as close to a human as one can be, even if you live without a soul like mine. I would like to think of us as different but equal, and once you come home, I do not wish for any bad blood to remain between us.
As I have learned throughout the last year, there are still many things in the world beyond our understanding, and your presence in itself has taught me to not judge so hastily.