Shadow was right by his side, helping him sit and stroking him tenderly. “Yes. I am a person.” His eyes itched, covered with the gray film of tears that he didn’t even want to fight anymore.
Chapter 31
Gray had no regrets. What he’d done wasn’t entirely fair, but neither was everyone’s willingness to sacrifice Shadow on the altar of the future. His lover wasn’t just a pawn in a game—he was a person with thoughts, feelings, and dreams.
The discussions behind closed doors were taking forever, and the sun was already high enough that Gray chose to block its light with curtains in the small lounge where they awaited the club’s verdict.
In hope of reducing the swelling, Gray picked up a bag of ice from the kitchen and was now holding it against his throbbing face, but he had little hope for his nose at this point. Unless the club decided to lock him and Shadow up in the cellar, he’d visit the emergency room later today to take care of broken bone. But that could wait. Shadow didn’t need to be any more stressed.
“Are you sure you want to stay?” Shadow whispered, stirring in his seat with a miserable expression.
The question wasn’t about his own fear of the outcome of what was going on in the meetings room. He was panicking over having to watch Gray being hurt even more, and that was yet another reason why he deserved to live. Sweet, selfless, and still so innocent despite witnessing so much fucked-up shit throughout his brief presence in the human world. It wasn’t in his nature to be self-serving, and Gray wanted to be the same kind of man for him. Shadow didn’t need to know that one of the former club members had been executed over betraying their plans to another gang, back in the early years when King had been pushing for more drug muling jobs.
Gray doubted a similar fate awaited them now—if the club wanted them dead, they wouldn’t have left them a way out—but there could be broken limbs, imprisonment, markings, loss of position. Whatever his brothers came up with, Gray would take head on. He deserved it. The club should have been his priority, yet he thought of himself first.
He did what he thought was right.
“I’ve grown up here. Why wouldn’t I want to stay?”
Shadow took a shivery breath and put his arm over Gray’s shoulder. His eyes were so red now they almost glowed. “Because we don’t know what will happen. Do members often go against the decisions of the club?”
Gray sighed and put the bag of ice onto the coffee table before leaning into Shadow. Being close to him like this while knowing he wasn’t going anywhere was such relief Gray was oddly unbothered by the debate going on close by.
“No. It’s rare. Are you afraid?”
“Yes.”
Such a simple yet almost unheard of statement among the Kings of Hell MC where no member dared even whisper such an admission. Gray longed to tell Shadow that all would be well, but he couldn’t make such promises.
He kissed Shadow gently instead and put an arm around his waist, itching to comfort him. “You can leave, if you want. I’m the only one responsible for this.”
Shadow took a deep breath and clenched his fists. “No. I’ve made the choice to take the ruby from you. If I am not cast out, I must face the consequences.”
With the decisive tone came a stronger set to Shadow’s shoulders. Gray squeezed his hand in reassurance.
“Yes. We kind of fucked them over, didn’t we? It’s only right that we make it good by trying to save the world.”
“I want to be around to ensure it happens. I didn’t get this chance at life to waste it.”
Gray smiled and bumped his forehead against Shadow’s shoulder but immediately pulled back when the door in front of them flew open.
Knight leaned on the door frame, watching them with an unusually stern expression. He hadn’t changed from his pajama pants but wore them with a black T-shirt and his leather cut, to honor the occasion. His face made the hope still burning in Gray’s heart dwindle.
“Come in,” Knight said and led them through an office, all the way to the room where all important matters were discussed. It was a simple space, and the large table that filled it enforced the sense that decisions made here were of importance.
As they entered, Gray released Shadow’s hand and stood in front of his brothers, back straight and head high. He tried not to imagine too much, for the sake of his own sanity.
Beast watched the two of them like a hawk, and the ink on his face made his handsome features disappear to the point where he looked like the devil himself.
“Let’s get this over with,” Beast said, and the fact that Rev wouldn’t even meet Gray’s eyes was not a good sign. “Gray, you will be stripped of your voting rights for a year, though that only matters if any of us survive this mess for that long,” he added with a snarl.