Beast went quiet over his paper container, as if he were hesitant over breaking apart the disposable chopsticks. He exhaled, put down the wooden utensils and looked at Laurent. “I’m sorry.”
Laurent stroked his chest. “I understand. I’ve assumed our outlook on the future is the same instead of asking.”
Beast gently enfolded Laurent’s hand in his. “I still think it would have been better if we talked about this, but I should have insisted on that instead of just saying yes. I kept being angry inside while you had no idea. And when I finally said what I thought, it was too snappy and harsh. I shouldn’t have acted that way.”
Laurent kissed Beast’s jaw. The compromises they needed to agree on weren’t always easy, but it was possible to come to an agreement that satisfied them both to a degree, at least. “I might have been too hurt to think clearly and speak to you with more kindness. But you understand that I can’t and won’t give up Marcel?”
Beast swallowed, and his grip on Laurent’s hand tightened. “Gay men have children sometimes. With women, or they can hire a surrogate to carry the baby, but I never felt those options were for me. Even if I found someone who wanted to be with me after the accident, I thought no kids would be involved. But then you came into my life and… well, you had different ideas. You found a way to make them a reality, and I didn’t know what to do about it.”
Laurent listened to every word, eager to understand Beast’s point of view now that they’d cleared the air. “When you said you didn’t want your own son… I thought about my family, and it hurt so much I couldn’t think clearly. I’ve been given away, with only my employer between me and destitution.” He cuddled up to Beast. “I will never again see the family I lost, but I always craved one. Creating a family of my own felt like an unachievable dream before I met you.”
Beast massaged Laurent’s hand. “You’re right. I should have thought about this. You never said you felt this way about what your father did. I thought you accepted it, because it was normal back then.”
Laurent shrugged and opened his food. “I accepted it because what else was I to do? But I resented it, especially on days when I didn’t get on with my employer. Deep down, I always hoped for word from my family, to see them again, to have any of my siblings come into Mr. Barnave’s store one day and… I don’t know, save me, I guess.” He rubbed a tear out of his eye with his wrist.
Beast pulled him closer, his warm arms so secure and tight Laurent knew that Beast would save him from any dangers coming their way. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking about it when we argued. My family life wasn’t ideal either, but… it was still there, you know. My mother was wonderful. It’s a shame you never met her, but King? He didn’t deserve her, and he didn’t deserve me either. How am I to even be a good father if I run this club? If Marcel wants to be a part of it, should I be happy for him or try to change his mind? What I do… it can be dangerous at times, and it’s not an easy life. I have no answer.”
Laurent nodded. Even thinking about Marcel growing up in the club and of all the dangers that posed made him anxious, but he also knew what kind of man his husband was. “I don’t know either, but I know we’ll figure it out. I never assumed it would be simple, but perhaps I didn’t anticipate all the difficulties either. I took care of Xavier earlier today and failed so miserably. I had no idea what I was doing.”
Beast chuckled. “Oh, sweetie, that’s because you always assume you know what to do,” he said, but softened the jibe with a kiss.
Laurent shook his head and poked Beast’s chest with chopsticks. “You do that all the time, so I suppose we’re even. I’m… I’m scared that I will fail as a father, but I still want to face the challenge. But if you don’t, I respect your decision. I’d hate to force you into a responsibility that made you resent me in the end. If that is your choice then consider me Marcel’s sole parent. I am sure we will still find a way to be together.”
Beast groaned and let go of Laurent to rub his face. “I know I might have given you the impression that I hate everything about this. I can be explosive sometimes, and I am jealous of your attention. I know that. But I have been thinking about this even before our argument. You were right that asking Magpie was our only way to make a baby together, and maybe it would have been stupid not to jump on the opportunity. I’m scared that I’ll make a bad father. Set a bad example. But you’re my family, and I want to give you one too. I’d hate it if you felt you were missing something so important because of me. And I might not be as... enthusiastic about parenthood as you hoped, but it is kinda exciting. You know, to raise this little person who’s made of you and me,” he said, twisting his thick fingers.