The Secret Father

‘You were only doing what you thought best, love,’ her husband said comfortingly.

‘Not best for Ben,’ his wife wailed. ‘You have every right to feel bitter. You were always a good father.’

‘An absent father,’ Sam reminded her.

‘That wasn’t your choice. You went where the money was. You gave up your college education for us, Ben and I. You made sure I finished my education, and how do I repay you?’ The tears started again.

‘There’s no point in rehashing the past, Marilyn. The only thing that matters now is Ben.’

The doctor reappeared in the doorway. ‘Mrs Tenant, your son is awake. He’s asking for you.’

‘My face—do I look all right? I don’t want him to know I’ve been crying.’

‘You look fine, honey.’ Murray turned back as they followed the white-uniformed figure. ‘Come with us, Sam.’ Awkwardly, he tried to bridge the gap.

Sam shook his head. ‘Not now.’

Lindy was choked with emotion. When she thought of the things she’d accused him of, when all along… She’d known for some time that she’d been wrong, but the extent of his sacrifices made her feel wretched. Wretched but proud.

‘Why don’t you go with them?’

‘The boy doesn’t want to see a stranger. He wants his mom and dad.’

How that matter-of-fact statement must have hurt. Lindy curled her fingers into fists to stop herself from reaching out to comfort him. That wordless gesture would have implied an intimacy which, despite the wild passions of the night, didn’t exist between them. Lindy had no illusions about what last night had meant to him. For her, it belonged in the small collection of special memories she’d keep fresh for ever in the years ahead. Memories of Sam that no one could take from her.

‘Tell me about transplants, Rosalind.’

‘First of all they’ll see if you’re compatible. The better the match, the more likely the transplant will be successful. They’ll want to find out if you’ve got two healthy kidneys before they do anything. All surgery carries a risk, Sam.’ Sounding objective was one of the hardest things she’d ever had to do. She felt sick with apprehension at the risk he was taking, but she knew her instincts were purely selfish.

‘There’s a chance of rejection?’

‘Yes, but I’m no expert. I don’t know the up-to-date statistics. As I said, the better the match, the more the likelihood of success. You have to remember that you’ll only have one kidney, though.’

‘You only need one, right?’

‘If you’re involved in an accident that injures the remaining kidney, you’re going to find yourself in a similar situation to Ben.’

He made a dismissive gesture. ‘It’s possible I can do something. Do you know what a relief that is? Have you any idea how frustrating it’s been the last few days sitting there, helpless to do anything, watching him slipping further away?’

His clenched fists ground into the muscles of his thigh. ‘He looked so young. I kept thinking, Why? Why Ben? What had he done to deserve that? Why wasn’t it me lying there? If that bastard who did it had been in the same room, I’d have killed him.’ His eyes, filled with dark torment, touched her face. ‘Seriously, Rosalind, I wanted to smash something. I’ve never considered myself to be a violent man…’

The depth of his emotion hit her like a tidal wave. ‘I’m only playing devil’s advocate, Sam.’ His pain squeezed her heart like a vice, but what could she say? He didn’t need platitudes. ‘The medical staff here are honour-bound to point out all the pitfalls. They’ll tell you the same thing I have, but in more detail.’

‘I understand.’ He took a shuddering breath. ‘Thanks, Rosalind; thanks for everything.’

My exit line, she thought. ‘I’ll leave you to it, then,’ she said brightly.

‘To what?’

Don’t be awkward, Sam, she silently prayed. This is hard enough as it is.

‘Dr Lacey—Rosalind—I hoped I’d find you here.’

‘Sam, this is Dr Bohman.’

‘Pleased to meet you, Mr Rourke.’ Fred Bohman pumped Sam’s hand. ‘Sorry to hear about your son. I wondered, Rosalind, if you’d pass this on to your brother-in-law when you see him. It’s a copy of the snap I took when we were in Geneva last year. I promised him a copy.’

‘Of course; no problem.’ She smiled as he rushed on his way.

Sam looked over her shoulder at the photo, which showed a row of men each with a glass in his hand. Adam was in the centre of the shot, carrying a silver statuette.