The Man Who Loved Cole Flores (Dig Two Graves 1)

He wanted that too, and now that he finally knew, rejecting the possibility of companionship and pleasure was like trying to tear skin off his muscles.

Cole shook his head. “I owe Tom my life, and respect him, but he’s not always right, regardless what he believes. There are things he won’t understand, and I have my own mind to guide me.”

The confidence with which he spoke of such forbidden things took Ned’s breath away. He was an orphan taken in by his uncle, valued for family ties and skill. No one had ever wanted him this much. “But you always do what he tells you to. You’d choose loyalty to him over me.”

Cole glanced over his shoulder as if he were afraid someone might sneak up on them and overhear the conversation, but the wagons moved at the pace of snails. “This isn’t the army. Everything I do is my decision in the end. You really think I’ve never lied to his face when I felt it was necessary? I’ve been doing it from the start.”

Ned sat up straighter in his saddle and rode close enough for their knees to bump. “What do you mean?”

Cole looked away, teeth dragging over his uneven bottom lip. “He’s made a community for all of us, but there’s a dark side to him. I found out very soon after he took me in. We were on the run. Mid-winter, it was bitterly cold, and we didn’t have enough supplies, so when Scotch saw smoke ahead, Tom decided we’d ask for shelter.”

Ned held up the facade of pure interest, but his heart tumbled down a path of memories that made him shiver even now, in the heat of the late June. He knew what this story would be about before Cole made it clear.

Cole went on in a monotone voice, “The man wouldn’t let us in, and Tom lost it. His wife locked herself in the pantry, screaming, but her begging couldn’t help. They beat him up, and dragged him outside. I wasn’t there to see what exactly happened, but when Tom and Zeb returned, their clothes were stained with blood. The poor bastard couldn’t have survived. His wife had to cook us food, knowing the men eating at her table had killed her husband.

“I tried not to think about it too much. Zeb was still angry over Tom taking me in and refused to feed me before we found more supplies, and I was so damn hungry I’d have eaten raw chestnuts. They all got real drunk and kept bothering the woman. She was scared, the poor thing, but Tom wouldn’t give it a rest, as if she had anything to do with her husband’s actions. I tried to not aggravate anyone and did as told, but then I went to get something from the pantry, and I saw eyes looking at me from the cupboard.”

Cole swallowed, his eyes as dark as they had been during their first meeting. Ned had to take a deep breath to calm himself and avoid falling down the well of despair where he’d drowned his most horrific nightmares. Even though Cole hadn’t told him so, Ned had the feeling he was the first to ever hear this story, and if he weren’t in such a difficult position, he would have told Cole that they shared those traumatic memories.

Unaware of Ned’s thoughts, Cole went on. “A boy, same age as I sat in the cupboard, as terrified as I had been on the night I first met the Boys. It’s the kind of fear that overcomes you when you can already smell death but know you can’t do anything, because you’re weak, and small, and you know that nobody will care what happens to you. I hadn’t spoken a word to him, but I wanted him to be safe, and I worried Tom or the others might hurt him. I didn’t trust them when they were so drunk and teasing that boy’s mother. So I stayed quiet and kept his presence secret. I hope he survived,” he said, meeting Ned’s gaze. “So no, I don’t always do as I’m told.”

If only Cole could know how much this meant to Ned. Back then, Ned hadn’t been sure whether the boy had left because he was frightened, or if he’d chosen to not say anything for other reasons. Knowing that all those years ago Cole had been motivated by compassion over selfish fear made the memories somehow less unbearable.

They’d become friends so fast, as if destiny had bonded them all those years ago. Since that chance meeting in Beaver Springs, the air between them sparked with good humor, forging a connection that was so unusual in Ned’s life. But it took a few days of bearing ugly truths, of lust that shouldn’t be named, let alone acted upon, for Ned to realize he no longer saw a future without Cole.