“I’m sorry, I can’t imagine what it must have been like to have a parent like that.”
Gunner shrugged. “It’s no big deal. Lots of people—”
Caspian grabbed his jaw and forced Gunner to meet his gaze. “It’s not fine. No kid deserves to be treated like that.”
Gunner took a deep breath, taking it in and realizing he’d never really dug this deep into the rotting truths about his past. “I suppose they don’t. He was getting me ready for only one kind of future. I knew I’d be a biker, I knew I had to be tough, I knew I couldn’t be gay.”
Caspian watched him, listened, without a hint of judgement in the deep brown eyes. It was a strange feeling to be acknowledged like this. As if he were looking in the mirror, and telling himself all this for the first time. Admitting to himself just how shitty his life had been.
“I hid in plain sight. Covered any attraction to guys with fighting a lot, fucking girls, and getting tattoos that made me look dangerous, so no one dared mess with me.” Gunner ran his fingertips over the lines of ink on Caspian’s face. “But that also meant normal, nice people avoided me. I got so angry that no one would give me a chance when I managed to get off drugs. It really hit me hard when I was applying for jobs after Noah’s accident, and then I stopped trying, ‘cause what’s the point? I am what I am. ”
“Would you consider removing the face tattoo?”
“I don’t have money for that.”
“But I have credit. And some more savings,” Caspian said softly.
Gunner stared at him, not sure what to say. Caspian wanted to offer him the cash just like that? “Until I pay off my debt with Snowman’s boss, no other expenses matter. And then I’d still have scars on my face. Can’t win really. Wait.” He glanced at Caspian and wiggled his eyebrows. “I can think of a few ways to make money in this form.”
Caspian’s brows rose. He loudly sucked in air and squeezed Gunner’s shoulder. “This is my body, and only I get to fuck it,” he said in a voice so raspy it sent shivers down Gunner’s spine, all the way to his hole.
If only it weren’t just about that.
It would have been so hot to see Caspian’s eyes burn with real jealousy. To feel desired in every way by a guy who saw him as something more than a piece of ass.
“I’d make sure you didn’t find out,” Gunner teased and pulled on Caspian’s ear with his tongue. “I’d have a sugar daddy on the side.”
“I’m a drug runner now. Can’t I be your sugar daddy?” Caspian asked, watching Gunner as he produced a fat wad of cash. “How about you show me the pretty things you’d gotten yourself today? Might just tip you.”
Gunner tried to take the money, but Caspian was faster, so he ended up empty-handed. “Fine. But don’t laugh, okay? I spent all day in the store with your mom so they could adjust it all. Close your eyes.”
He jumped off Caspian’s lap and ventured to the bag hiding his new suit.
“Oh no, what did you get? A dressy romper?” Caspian asked, laughing, but he did shut his eyes like a good boy.
Gunner had never considered himself ugly, but Caspian smiled a lot, and it somehow made the same features more handsome, as if the satisfaction he felt inside radiated over his face. He’d also got himself a switchblade when he was out. Next time people like Bud or Todd wanted to assault him, he’d be drawing blood.
“Dumbass. It’s a suit. Your mom’s holding a garden party in two weeks, and she insisted I don’t have anything appropriate. She wasn’t wrong.” Gunner undressed and pulled out his new treasure.
The clothes Alex had helped him choose had felt like a bit too much from the start, but the outfit Barb had advised on inspired confidence. The restrictive nature of fitted clothing made him feel like even more of an impostor though.
He hadn’t thought he could pull off a suit before they’d arrived at the store, but Barb had guided him through the process, and listened when he’d suggested he’d be happy to experiment with color and get something more suitable for summer.
She even reassured him in his choice, saying that suits in brighter colors were getting increasingly popular at weddings. Barb helped him choose a shirt with a faint stripy pattern and a green tie to go with the light blue set, which suited him perfectly.
“I bet you look real hot in it,” Caspian insisted, grinning.
“Promise not to laugh,” Gunner said as he adjusted his tie according to Barb’s instructions and glanced at the mirror. He looked like he had his shit together, despite his knot-tying skills remaining questionable. Elegant, pretty, confident—the person staring back at him from in the mirror was definitely not trash.