Caspian reached for his hand and pulled him closer, caressing the front of Gunner’s torso, overcome with warm feelings. “You are a cutie. And if you want different clothes, we can go shopping together, find something that fits your taste more.”
“Will you… take care of me?” Gunner whispered and stroked Caspian’s shoulder. “I’ve always been taught I have to do everything myself. As a man, you know? And you just seem to have it all figured out. Would it be so bad if I wanted you to take charge? Even if just a little?’
He couldn’t have said anything more perfect. Caspian took hold of Gunner’s hands and looked at him while the flowery aroma spread in the air. “I love you, Gunner. I will always take care of you.”
The gentle smile spreading over Gunner’s features was worth all the effort Caspian would have to put into this relationship in the future. “I don’t wanna be a burden on you, but I love you too much to let go,” he said as Caspian urged him into the bubbly water.
“Don’t be dumb. You’re not a burden. I like this. I want to be the man and make you feel safe. And you made me realize today that I don’t need to change to offer you all that. You have no idea how happy this makes me,” he said and picked up a new natural sponge, which he drizzled with Mom’s shower gel, the same Gunner liked so much.
When Gunner slid into the water, the level rose so much that no more was needed. Caspian’s giant smiled at him and washed his face. “I’ve never been in love before you,” he said, so enamoured with Caspian it bordered on sappy.
But Caspian liked it, and each word from Gunner’s mouth made his heart fuller. “Me neither. But you are exactly what I always wanted, even though I didn’t know,” he said and rubbed the sponge over sweaty skin that still kept some of its flush. He was careful around the nipples, since he expected them to be still very tender, and lifted Gunner’s arm, lathering him up.
While surprised at first, Gunner tuned into the touch and let Caspian take care of him. “I just miss the piano, you know? A different life seemed within my reach when I had your fingers.”
Caspian stilled, meeting Gunner’s eyes. He’d expected Gunner to long for being small and cute, or having Caspian’s secure financial situation, not this. “You really love playing, don’t you?”
“Yeah. But you’re teaching me now, so it is what it is,” Gunner said, looking away. “Do you miss anything about being me?”
Small things. The pleasure of being seen as strong and potentially dangerous without needing to establish his position every single time he met new people, but his newfound confidence made up for the loss in pounds of muscle. Life had given him a priceless lesson, and he could from now on be the master of his fate, with a body he no longer resented, a man who loved him, caring parents, and a good job. He could have it all.
But Gunner wanted to play the piano.
Music lived in his heart, but he could no longer make it and it would take years until he became proficient in the same way Caspian was. If it was even possible, because while Caspian didn’t want to dampen his enthusiasm, he did notice that Gunner wasn’t as good at feeling rhythm or hearing nuance in sounds. Whether it was because of lack of early exposure, or because his body was just built that way, he would never become a teacher or performer. And knowing this became an instant weight in Caspian’s heart.
“I liked being big and tall. It made carrying you around easy-peasy.”
Gunner smiled at him, and leaned in for a little kiss, but then grabbed Caspian’s arm hard and pulled him into the rose-scented water with a splash that reached Dingo.
Caspian snorted, shaking his damp hair like a dog. “You’re the worst!” he said and gently punched Gunner’s chest before sliding into his lap. But Gunner’s words stayed with him, and no matter how happy he was, the thought of Gunner truly missing something from the brief time of their swap remained a thorn in Caspian’s heart even as they kissed and joked around while Fluffer graced them with his presence and settled on the closed toilet seat.
Caspian had promised to take care of Gunner. So he would.
Chapter 34 – Gunner
Gunner woke up surprisingly not-sore, but when he patted the soft bedding next to him, he realized Caspian wasn’t there. It took several big yawns for him to open his eyes wide, and he frowned at his outstretched fingers.
They were slim.
Pale.
“Caspian?” he uttered, sitting up in panic. This couldn’t be happening. Not again. Not when they’d re-established their lives.