What was the first animal Radek had shot? It hadn’t been a fox, had it?
“Did the forest ranger lose his patience with you?” Mom asked, rocking in the black leather armchair while she pinned him with her pale gaze. Her hair had been recently cut and dyed, and the pixie do took ten years off her appearance. But her demeanor hadn’t changed.
“Why would you think that?” Radek managed in a small voice.
Her mouth twitched, and she adjusted her glasses. “Because you wouldn’t be back if you had somewhere else to live. We both know you hate your own mother.”
He stared back at her, searching for that spark of humanity that would allow her to feel compassion. “Because you pick on me. Nothing I do is ever right.”
She gave a chuckle that didn’t brighten her face one bit. “Any other child would have treated that as a cue, but no, you wouldn’t even come back from Cracow, like we’d agreed! I thought you had a girlfriend, who you didn’t want to introduce to me for some reason, but now that she’s clearly gone from your life, you still preferred to go live with a man you barely know.”
“There’s no girlfriend, and there never was. I’m gay, Mom!” Radek choked out, at the edge of his sanity. He just couldn’t take this anymore.
She gave a low huff and slammed her palms on the desktop. “What else are you gonna come up with to spite me, Radek? What have I ever done to you? I’ve raised you the best I could, but you never appreciated it!”
Radek pulled at his own hair in frustration. “You’re not listening. Why would I tell you this if it wasn’t true? I appreciate what you’ve done, but you have to let me live my own life.”
Her chest dipped as if her lungs had emptied, making her appear even stiffer and thinner. “Life isn’t just about fun, Radek! You and I agreed on something, and you first refused to take any responsibility for the family business, and then came back set on destroying everything your father and I built for you! And now you’re trying to upset me again? You’re ungrateful!”
“Guess I cut my own arm off just to spite you too. It’s not all about you! I have all these problems of my own!” He waved his stump to drive the point home, but already felt pain coming his way before Mom opened her eyes.
“I know what this is about. I know why you’re back. You’ve been with that man! He finally saw through you and dumped you. Well, at least now you can straighten up your act instead of… fornicating like—”
It was a whole round of punches, dealt straight to his gut. “You know what? I do hate you!” Radek yelled as tears spilled down his cheeks and he turned on his heel even though he had no idea where he’d go.
Mom didn’t try to stop him, as if, despite her own declarations, she were glad to be rid of him. He didn’t bother to ask for permission and tore the silver dagger off the wall, then put his boots and coat back on, donned the backpack, and walked off like a zombie, his legs carrying him back toward the forester’s lodge while the last of the daylight slowly died.
Even the hourglass-shaped bell tower of the wooden church lost its contours at this time, dispersing in the darkness, but as Radek passed the gate of the parsonage and walked on through the flat farmland in the middle of the valley, a dot of bright light ahead drew his attention as if he were a moth. It didn’t take him long to realise that whoever carried the flashlight had ventured from Emil’s home, and he sped up, eager to talk to someone who would not chastise him for everything, and who actually cared!
Maybe he could even spend the night at Emil and Adam’s after all, have time to figure out what to do next, because going back to Yev’s felt unbearable. He rubbed the tears out of his eyes, because he didn’t want Emil to pity him, but the more he thought back to the argument that crumbled his hopes for the future, the more upset he got. Like a fox chasing its own tail, he’d turn in circles until he dropped from exhaustion.
A rustling in the nearby bushes caught his attention, but he couldn’t spot the animal that caused it and froze, watching the vapor created by his own exhale disperse. Stiff with the sudden worry that Burian might have stalked him, he tightened his hold on the silver dagger, ready to pull it out of the hilt.
But nothing happened.
Despite the ache in his leg, Radek sped up, trying to convince himself his brain had just played a trick in him, and he’d feel much safer once he caught up with Emil. He broke into a jog. Emil must have heard him, because he turned the flashlight in Radek’s direction.