Her Nine Month Confession

‘I need to get back—’

‘Five minutes.’

He didn’t wait for her response, just put a hand in the middle of her back and started walking. Lily didn’t have the strength to resist and maybe fresh air would be good.

She didn’t know how he did it. The hospital was several vast old buildings plus new additions all linked by a series of glass connecting corridors, yet he didn’t once glance at the overhead signs as he led them through the maze of corridors unerringly to a side door that opened to the outside world.

Lily closed her eyes and took several deep breaths. Like someone in a trance, she stood there staring at the skyline until the sound of an ambulance siren made her start. They were in the visitors’ car park. It was quiet and empty at the moment, but soon would begin to fill.

She glanced over her shoulder at the hospital building. ‘I should go back in.’

‘You should go to bed, but I know you won’t.’ It was hard to maintain his anger. Part of him had wanted to find fault, but, whatever else she was, Lily was obviously a devoted mother.

Her lips ghosted a faint smile as she lifted her face to him. She brushed the wisps of gold red hair from her face, leaving one free, which Ben fought a sudden urge to tuck behind her ear.

‘There will be plenty of time to sleep afterwards...’ As he watched a stricken expression spread across her face she rushed into explanatory speech. ‘I didn’t mean it like that...she will be all right, won’t she?’ She shook her head and murmured a soft, almost inaudible, ‘Sorry.’

‘For what?’

‘For asking you to tell me it will be all right.’ She lifted her chin; she knew it would be a massive mistake to fall into the habit of thinking they were a team. ‘You don’t know... I don’t know... We have to put our reliance in medical science and blind luck.’

‘Don’t knock luck and aren’t you forgetting a little girl’s fighting spirit?’

‘I wish I could do it for her...’

‘I know.’

On the point of leaning into him, she pulled back. ‘I should go back...’ Behind her the door was caught by a gust of wind and slammed, rattling the glass. She turned her head at the sound and wondered how long it would take to find her way back to the ward.

‘Where are you staying?’

She turned her head and looked at him, a frown of incomprehension forming between her feathery brows. ‘Staying?’ she echoed.

‘Sleeping.’

‘Oh, they recommended a nice B & B near the hospital.’ Her arm lifted in a vague directional gesture. ‘Mum booked us in there. She’s dropping off my bag on her way home, I think.’

His mouth thinned into a critical line. ‘That hardly seems ideal.’

‘This situation is not ideal!’ she flared bitterly, then tacked on a weary, ‘Sorry.’ Immediately regretting venting her anger and frustration at him—she didn’t blame him, he was just there.

Were there couples whose relationships were casualties of a situation like this? she wondered. Were there bleak statistics out there to confirm it? Well, one thing they couldn’t become was a statistic. They weren’t a couple; they were already apart.

Suddenly very cold, she gave a shiver.

‘Do you want to go in?’

She gave an absent nod, tucking her hair behind her ears as she tilted her head to look up at him. ‘They are very good here. They try their best. The unit has a purpose-built apartment block for parents and families, but it’s vastly oversubscribed and pretty much on a first-come-first-served basis. Anyway I actually prefer to sleep in the chair by Emmy at the moment—just in case...’ She gulped, her eyes falling from his, but not before he had seen the terror she struggled to ignore.

He fought against the instinct to offer her comfort. ‘I understand.’

Bracing her shoulders, she exhaled a gusty sigh. Her voice no longer quivered and was firm with conviction as she said, ‘She’ll be all right. I know she will. It was just seeing that couple—they were so happy yesterday...’ She shook her head as if to shake away the scene in the day room. ‘It was a good idea to get some fresh air.’

‘It helps. I hate being inside hospitals.’

‘Do you hate hospitals because of your accident?’ She encountered his blank expression and touched her own head.

‘Oh, that.’ He shrugged. ‘No one likes hospitals.’

Suddenly Lily felt very angry, remembering what he’d told her about his mother. ‘I just don’t get... How could she?’