She wasn’t sure if she was angrier at him, or at herself.
What had happened with Nigel and Mia had ruined her. She’d tried—lord knew she had tried—but ever since then, every Dominant she’d spent time with had secretly been at an audition with her as the judge. Every little flaw, every little hesitation was proof they couldn’t be trusted. Anytime anyone got too close, and she found herself feeling happy, warning bells rang and she’d split.
If the two people she’d loved most in the world could betray her, then how could anything be real?
She walked partway down the beach, looking for the spot where she’d left her towel and flip-flops. Grant followed at a discreet distance, respectful yet present. She didn’t know what to say to him and it seemed like he didn’t know what to say to her either. They were going to have to figure it out, though, since they had no plans to leave for at least a more few days.
Grant wanted to get a feel for the place, and so did she, but suddenly the island was feeling too small for the two of them. What on earth had she been thinking when she’d agreed to share a room with him?
Guilt trailed her as closely as Grant himself.
She was hurting him for no good reason. He was paying for someone else’s crimes against her and he didn’t even know it, but every time she opened her mouth to try to explain, the words wouldn’t come.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you like that.” He didn’t make an excuse for himself and she appreciated it.
“No, you shouldn’t have. I know you didn’t convince me to come out here with you just to ambush me with a collar. You’re not that much of a dick.”
“Even so, I won’t feel guilty about holding out hope for a relationship with you when I know you don’t feel guilty about wanting to use me.”
She rounded on him, glaring. “I don’t see why you can’t just be happy with playing with my mind and body for a little while. Why do you need to own me? If you want a submissive I can think of at least fifteen women from the club who’d be ecstatically picking out wedding dresses if you so much as looked their way. Do you have some sort of fetish for unwilling women?” She’d meant to hurt him a little to put some distance between them, but one side of his mouth curved in a sad smile.
“I’m not even going to dignify that with an answer. I just want to know what he did to you to make you so sure you can’t trust anyone. I’d also appreciate it if you could jot down his name and address so I can pay him a quick visit.” Grant’s feral eyes glinted dangerously.
“It’ll be hard to run your lodge from jail.”
He shrugged nonchalantly. “I’d be out soon enough, and it would be worth it.”
For a long moment she couldn’t look away from his intense gaze, feeling like anything she said could be risky.
“He didn’t abuse me, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
He visibly relaxed, as though that had been weighing on his mind, possibly for a long time.
The truth was, what Nigel had done probably wasn’t even as much of a betrayal as what had happened to Will with Bethany. At least Dex hadn’t been put in a position where she was stuck raising someone else’s baby—not that Will seemed to resent raising Beau. Far from it.
She slapped away another couple of mosquitoes.
“I’m done pretending I’ll be happy with someone else, Arabella. I know I’m not the kind of guy people have serious feelings about, but I can get sex anytime I want.” He swallowed, and looked away. “I’d prefer if our relationship was more important to you than that. You’re my best friend and I don’t want to wreck that by being fuck buddies.”
“So you’re saying you want me to stop trying to seduce you?” She sighed dramatically. “We’ve both booked off for a week and we’re going to be here, alone, half naked, and we’re not going to take advantage of that?”
He frowned at her. “Exactly.”
She gave him a long, lecherous once-over, not missing the way his cock twitched. He was still half hard, which was making it difficult to take his statement seriously.
“Your body seems to like the idea of being friends with benefits just fine.”
“I’m a man.”
“Oh, I’m quite aware of that fact. It’s sort of hard to forget even when you’re clothed, but when you’re naked it’s sort of . . . in my face, if you know what I mean.”
“It’s only in your face because you’re so short. Any other woman would need Google
Earth to find it.”
She snorted. It was always well-hung guys who had no problem making jokes about how small their dicks were.
A low hum had been growing in the air and she finally turned in a circle looking for a boat or a small plane, wondering again how close they might be to another lodge or group of campers. Grant smacked a few mosquitoes away and turned with her, scanning the area. The sound seemed to be coming from every direction.