“But I’m not telling you to do that because it wouldn’t be right. Stealing cars is part of who you are. It’s who I am, too, and I’ll do it with or without you.” Her voice got louder with each word. “You don’t get to make my life decisions, and you especially don’t get to choose who I love!”
Love?
Her eyes suddenly went round and her cheeks reddened. Clearly, she hadn’t meant to blurt that out.
As for him, he was ridiculously in love with this girl, and for her sake he couldn’t fight to keep her. Of course he’d realized he was in love with her after he’d already decided they should stay apart. But when the bullet hit, and he’d thought he’d crash or bleed out, the only regrets he had about dying young were that Atlas and Luke would suffer for it, and that he’d never get to say good-bye to Addison. They hadn’t been together that long, but what was time compared to how he felt about her?
“You love me?” he asked her, feeling stupid, but needing to hear it again. It was better than any of the painkillers the good doctor had been feeding him.
She swallowed hard and nodded then stared at the ground, looking like she was trying to regain her composure. “When I found out you were hurt I was so scared. Then they told me you were okay, and I planned this big speech.” Tears spilled over and she brought her gaze to his. “Of course, my speech was much more eloquent and I certainly hadn’t meant to yell it at you.” She chuckled nervously.
He caught
the edge of her T-shirt and tugged her closer.
“You’re hurt!” she protested, trying to squirm away, but he was determined not to let her go.
“Yes, and you’re going to make it worse if you fight me.”
With a sigh, she gave in and settled carefully next to him on the bed.
“Is this okay?” she asked, holding her head up awkwardly. “Am I hurting you?”
“Shhh.” He pushed her head onto his chest. “You’re perfect.” Emotions overwhelmed him, and he stroked her hair, trying to get himself under control.
But the truth was, she made him feel the opposite of in control. Wild and passionate and half-insane. And she didn’t even know it. Or maybe she did.
When she finally relaxed against him, he said, “You know I love you, too, don’t you?”
She sniffled once. “You do?” Her voice sounded so small and unsure.
“Yes.” He kissed her hair several times, enjoying the smell and the memories it brought him.
He paused, knowing he shouldn’t even ask, but her rejection of him still stung like a bitch. “I know you’re pissed at me, but will you just tell me what I did to make you bolt? I know I’m pushy in bed, but I thought . . . Did I push you too hard?”
Guilt twisted a sick knife in his belly. He’d been going over their last night together again and again—had been for days—and he didn’t recall any point where she’d seemed truly upset. Had he missed something?
“It wasn’t your fault, and I’m so, so sorry about that. I just . . . freaked out. I got a letter from the school saying I was failing, and I needed to decide what my priorities were. You’re too strong of a lure, so I had to avoid you until I knew what I really wanted.” She laughed shakily. “I’d follow you into hell, but I wanted to make sure hell was a good career choice.”
She’d follow him into hell? He knew the feeling.
“When your life flashes before your eyes, some things come into sharp focus,” he told her, rubbing his hand down her arm. “I thought I was going to die, and all I could think about was how the guys would feel like shit, and how I’d never see you again. Those were my two regrets.”
“When Luke texted me, I drove over here like a maniac,” she said tightly. “If you’d died on me without giving me the chance to tell you how I felt about you . . .”
“What?” He smiled. “You would have killed me?” It would be nice if there was some way to figure out whether this was real or just a hallucination from the drugs. If it was the drugs, he hoped they never wore off.
“Yup.”
He laughed then winced at the fresh pain.
“But I’m serious, Fox,” she said, her tone stern. “Either you accept me as I am, or you don’t. I don’t expect you to change who you are for me, so don’t expect me to change for you. You can’t wrap me in Bubble Wrap and lock me away. That’s not the kind of life I want and definitely not my kink.”
Could he live with that—with her being at risk? It felt like they’d rehashed this argument a million times already, and he had to piss or get off the pot. He liked to consider himself a modern man, but knowing it wasn’t fair to expect her to give up what she wanted to suit him didn’t make him any more comfortable with her being in danger. He’d tried to talk her out of this life so many times, but if she was going to be stealing anyway, didn’t it make sense to keep her close so he could try to be there for her if there was trouble? She was probably in more danger on her own, without backup, than she would be with them.
“What are you going to do about school?” he pressed, in a last ditch effort to make her see reason.
She sighed. “I’m putting it on hold for a year. I need to get my life in order before I go back. I think I’m going to quit my part-time job, too, although I’m pretty sure I got my ass fired when I ran out of the store midshift to get over here after you got shot. I haven’t shown up for two of my shifts since then either.”