“For fuck’s sake, Sev. Quit acting like a child. The photographer is here. Everyone else is ready, other than Min. She’s putting a brave face on things, but it’s obvious she’s trying not to start crying again. Or throwing up.” Church strolled over to a worktable and examined a sculpture he’d made a few days before, then used it to gesture to the blankets that were thrown in the corner. “She told me you were sleeping in here, but I didn’t want to believe that you could be such a fucking prick.”
“What’s wrong with needing space?”
“You don’t get to do this shit anymore. You’re a grown man. You’re almost married and you’ve got a baby on the way. No more of this broody teenager bullshit. At this rate, your kid is going to be a grown-up sooner than you are!” He banged the sculpture down loudly.
“I keep telling her that. I’m not fit to be a parent, but she’s not listening to me.”
Church snorted, his brows drawn low over his brown eyes. “All my life I’ve stood beside you while you struggled with things. Minnow came along, and I finally had some hope. You were actually fucking trying. And Rodrigo? Fuck. I thought that was never going to happen. You’re moving on. You’re healing from all the shit you went through as a kid. Now you’re going to give up everything you’ve gained, everything you’ve accomplished, because something unexpected happens? Most dads think they’ll be shitty parents. It’s normal. The fact that you’re worried about it means you’ll be just fine.”
“No child deserves to have my genetics. It’s not fair to expect me to be okay with this.”
Church laughed sadly. “It’s a done deal, Sev. If you won’t marry her because she might be carrying your child, that makes you a special kind of fucking asshole. You don’t get a do-over with this. Rodrigo is determined he’s marrying her today, with or without you. If you don’t show up you’re going to feel like the third wheel in their relationship for the rest of your life. No amount of brooding will get today back if you choose to fuck this up.”
He didn’t look up from his work and Church started to pace. “You’re hurting three of my four best friends, Severin, and I’m not cool with it. You, Rodrigo, Minnow. None of you deserve this.”
When the weld was finished, Severin pushed his goggles down and looked at his brother. Church was dressed in one of his crisp, expensive suits, wearing money as smartly as Rodrigo always did. Sometimes it was hard to remember this new Churchill was the same the kid who used to fistfight with him over who’d be stuck playing Luigi.
He swallowed down the angry retort that was trying to come out. Church knew him better than anyone, and he wouldn’t fall for Severin’s usual evasions disguised as verbal abuse.
Severin scratched at his scalp, needing either a shower or a swim, but he’d been hiding in the forge for days. So Church thought he was being childish. He wasn’t wrong.
“I’ve done everything else they wanted,” he said. “This? I can’t. It’s too much. I just can’t.”
“Because it might be your kid?”
“Because of Loïc, I think. Because at one time I thought maybe my kid wouldn’t inherit my bad wiring, but Loïc showed me that fucked up runs true with Leducs. I’ll never be able to look at the kid without wondering if she’ll hate me for bringing her into this world. Why make more people who don’t want to be here?”
“You don’t still want to die, do you?”
Severin shrugged, one shouldered. “Not usually. Today is hard.”
“The day Loïc kissed you was hard. I get that.”
He flicked his hand, wishing he could flick the memory away while he was at it. “That’s finished. He’s gone. I hope he’s dead.” It sounded harsh, but the wish was pity more than anger.
“The kid is a mess because of what he went through. Maybe he wasn’t as young as you when it started, but he was there longer, and things were weirder. He may be a train wreck, but he’s your brother.”
“I already have a brother. I don’t need two.”
“Having him isn’t being disloyal to me, even though I was being childish about it for a while,” Church said, slapping his shoulder.
Severin managed not to flinch, even though no one had touched him in days. It was scary how fast Minnow’s touch conditioning had worn off.
“You can care about more than a handful of people at a time. It sounded like Loïc was looking for someone to care about him, like you needed when you were a kid, like you need now.”
“I don’t need him.”
“No, but I think he needs you.”
“You like him so much? You be his brother. You have experience dealing with my shit, he should be easy.”
It wasn’t as if they knew where the kid had gone anyway. Rodrigo had looked for him for days, trying to make sure he was all right.
“What he did to you was wrong. It was assault.”
“It was weird and disgusting, but I’m already hooked up with a therapist, so it’s all good.” Hopefully Loïc would find someone to take him in hand. Severin had limited emotional resources, and he didn’t have any left over for a screwed-up kid like Loïc – and that was the problem.
“Rodrigo said Loïc was a drowning man who was going to pull me down with him. I cut him loose before he drowned us both.” Severin sank onto one of the work stools. “The kid Minnow is carrying will be just as messed up as we are, man. Then what am I supposed to do? I can’t fix myself, let alone save Loïc, or a kid who has all the same problems. We’ll be out here like a fucking messed-up sideshow. People will pay admission to gawk at my ugly weirdo kid.”