“Not true. Stop walking,” I say, but she doesn’t even slow a bit. I’m forced to jog to catch up with her as she races through her room toward her bathroom. And yep, you guessed it, I have to stop her from shutting yet another door in my face.
“Ughhh, Ryan, just go away. Please!”
“What’s gotten into you since yesterday? I thought we were getting along better.”
She puts her hands over her face and sounds way more frustrated with me than the situation warrants. “Ryan, I swear to Dolly Parton that if you do not get out of my bathroom right now, I will burn you with my curling iron.”
“That’s it.” And that’s the last thing I say before I scoop her up in my arms. She squeals as I carry her into the walk-in shower.
“What the freak are you doing?! Put me down!”
It’s cute that she’s trying to fight me. Actually, it makes me think I need to teach her some self-defense moves, because her attempt at wrestling out of my arms is just laughable. She’s a puppy, pawing at my shirt, and I just want to snuggle her.
I get us both in the shower and position us under the shower head, one hand on the nozzle. “Tell me why you’re really upset or else I blast us both with cold water.”
I don’t particularly want to douse myself in icy water, but I will if I have to. I have a feeling that everyone in June’s life lets her hide away, keep all her secrets pinned up inside her so she can hurt privately. Not me.
“You’ve lost your mind,” she says, but she’s not squirming anymore.
“Tell me, or we both get a shower.”
Her green eyes bounce up to mine, and I see her stubbornness lurking like a shield. She lifts her chin and wraps her arm more firmly around my neck like she’s settling in for battle. “Do it. I’m not afraid of a little cold water. And there’s nothing to tell. I’m just annoyed that you keep showing up as if I want you around!”
I gave her a chance. I really did.
I wouldn’t be surprised if the neighbors call the cops from the scream that June releases when the ice water hits her skin. Unfortunately, she’s not the only one getting punished, because I’m the one standing under it holding her.
“Okay, you doused me! Now, turn it off!!” She’s reaching for the faucet, so I turn us around so she can’t reach it. Except—super—now I’m taking the brunt of the spray.
“Not until you tell me the truth.”
“You’re infuriating.” She beats my chest as water drips down both of our faces. She’s getting heavy, and I realize that my grip on her is soft enough that if she wanted to, she could escape. But I don’t think she does. In fact, one of her arms is still wrapped tightly around my neck. She’s not going anywhere, and part of me wonders if she’s hanging on because she wants me to get the truth out of her.
I look at her eyes and notice that it’s not just water rolling down June’s face. I feel her body sag against me. The final thread of her resistance toward me is snapping. “My ex posted on Instagram this morning that he’s getting married. I guess it…triggered some old wounds. Are you happy now?”
I cut the water off and slowly set her feet on the ground, expecting her to bolt, but she doesn’t. We are both freezing, our bodies shaking and miserable, but neither of us moves. Her hair is wet and clinging to her face, much like her clothes are clinging to her body, but I don’t look. Because that’s not why I pulled us in here.
“Do you miss him?” I ask, but I’m not sure I actually want to hear the answer.
“No. I miss who I was before him, though.” She pauses, but I get the feeling that she’s not done, so I stay quiet. June chews the side of her lip, wrestling with something. She looks torn between the urge to run or stay. She folds her arms up tightly in front of her, and her knuckles turn white as she grips her arms. Finally, she shifts on her feet, and her eyes shoot up to mine. They are giant green pools of tears. “Ryan...I’ve never told anyone, but...well, I called off the wedding because”—another agonizing pause—“he cheated on me.”
Those words act as a detonator in my mind. The name BEN flashes before my eyes, and suddenly, my target is set. I hate this guy.
And I hate him even more when June continues. “And do you know what happened after I called him out for it and broke off our engagement? He sighed with relief. He audibly sighed, and then he said it was probably for the best because…” She looks down at her folded arms, shame coloring her expression. “Because he wasn’t even attracted to me anymore. Said I’d gotten too comfortable around him.”
And there it is. The truth. It sets all the pieces into place, and suddenly, who June is now makes sense to me. Why she won’t let anyone see her unless she’s completely put together. Why no one gets past a first date. She doesn’t even want me to look at her face without makeup on, and my heart splits for her.
I rub my hands up and down her arms to warm her. She looks up at me with water clinging to her eyelashes and her cheeks rosy from the freezing water and shakes her head. “No, don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Pity. I feel stupid enough for letting such a minor comment affect me so much. It’s not like I was a victim of verbal abuse or anything. So what? He didn’t like my body anymore. I let myself go, and I wasn’t pretty enough to tempt him anymore. Who cares, right?” I can see that she’s trying to strap that armor of hers back on, but I won’t let her. Not yet.
I pull her tightly to my chest. “No. You didn’t deserve that from him. And it’s okay to admit he hurt you, June.”
She surprises me by melting into me and resting her face on my chest, curling her hands up between us so that I’m fully holding her. I feel her shoulders shake with more tears. “The girl he’s marrying now is blonde and, like, six feet tall.”
What June means is, she’s exactly opposite of me. There’s so much insecurity in her voice, and I can hear the unspoken question of what does she have that I don’t?