I’m sitting on the counter after we return from the grocery store, watching Ryan move around my kitchen, trying so hard not to blurt out JUST KISS ME ALREADY. He’s turned on The Black Keys and is humming while he puts produce in the fridge. I can’t handle it.
Thoughts of him in that towel with wet hair tousled like every teenage girl’s hot-lifeguard fantasy keep flashing in my mind. Do skillets weigh hundreds of pounds? They must for Ryan to have a body as sculpted as he does. His abs are like six perfect shelves. I could store things on them if I needed to.
This is the package of Famous Amos cookies all over again. I had dieted for a whole month; not even a hint of sugar passed my lips. All the while, my mind was constantly aware of the unopened box of cookies tucked away in the back of my pantry. I couldn’t see the box when I’d open my cabinet, because I’d stuffed it so far back that I’d have to get a stool to retrieve it. But I always knew it was there, and that if I ever broke down and ate one cookie, it would be the end of my diet. I’d eat the whole dang box. And guess what happened? I did.
Now, Ryan is my box of cookies.
One little kiss, and my diet will be history.
When my palms sweat at the thought of grabbing Ryan and pulling his mouth against mine, I decide it’s time to turn my mind to more productive tasks—like aimlessly scrolling through my phone.
I swipe it open and look down, but let’s be honest, I’m not really seeing what I’m looking at because I’ve trained my peripherals on the man in my kitchen.
Ryan’s voice makes me jump. “So, is there a reason you still follow your ex?”
“Huh?”
I look up in time to see him tilt his head toward my phone—eyes trained on the potato he’s chopping. “This morning you said your ex posted about his engagement. I was wondering why you still follow him on Instagram if he hurt you that much?”
“Oh.” I set my phone to the side. It wasn’t distracting me anyway. “I don’t. I just…” Oh gosh, I don’t want to admit this. To say it’s embarrassing is an understatement. But I’ve already told Ryan something about my life that no one else knows. Might as well get this off my chest too. “I occasionally go check his profile, hoping to see that maybe he’s grown a new mole on his face since I last saw him.” Please don’t make fun of me.
He grins. “I get it.”
“You do?” He has a quiet smile as he nods.
Chop, chop, chop.
His knife sails over the cutting board, and I get the feeling there’s more that he’s not saying, so I do a little digging. “You have an ex-girlfriend you stalk on Instagram or something?”
He shakes his head, and his eyes cut to me for a split second before training on the cutting board again. “Not an ex.”
I swallow, and my heart races from this new game we’re playing. “Hmm…interesting. So, it’s someone you don’t want anyone to know you follow?”
Ryan sets down his knife and walks toward me. My stomach tightens when his gaze fixes with mine before grabbing both my hips and sliding me to the side so he can open the drawer I was blocking and pulls out a ladle. But he’s not far enough in his cooking process yet to need a ladle. Busted. He sets the unneeded utensil down beside the cutting board and starts on another potato but doesn’t speak.
“So, this mysterious woman. Do you like her?”
“How long do you think this game is going to last? ‘Cause I need your help cooking.” He doesn’t need my help.
Ryan had come up with the most incredible menu for the rehearsal dinner. A Tuscan seared salmon with seasonal vegetables roasted in a red wine sauce and the most decadent chocolate cherry tart for dessert that Stacy immediately vetoed before slapping a worn-out, hand-written recipe into his hand. I’ve never seen Ryan so dejected as he read over Stacy’s desired rehearsal dinner menu: a dish I’d had many times at her mama’s house called potato-chipped chicken, old-fashioned mashed potatoes, green beans slathered in butter, and homestyle mac and cheese. I think Ryan wanted to cry. I enjoyed it too much.
“I just want to hear you admit it,” I say with a satisfied smirk.
He stops and levels me with a melting smolder. “Admit what?”
Under his attention, my confidence wavers. A minute ago, I was enjoying this game. Now, I see that, in classic Ryan style, he has turned the tables. The spotlight isn’t on him anymore. I’m the one who has to say the words out loud that my heart is hoping are true. But they might not be…this might all just be in my head.
“Never mind.”
“Admit what, June?”
“No, this was stupid. Let’s move on.” I want him to quit looking at me, but he doesn’t. I’m angry at myself for pushing this game. I can’t take any more hits today, and I’ve set myself up for embarrassment.
“What do you want me to admit to you?”
You know what? Fine. In for a dime, in for a dollar. Here we go.
I pull on my fake courage and meet his blistering stare. “Admit that you’ve been pining away for me all these years.”