“Because…” I shrug. “I don’t know exactly. I think there’s a stigma that comes along with being a mom, and when you’re young like me, it’s confusing. I should be in my prime, thriving, and…attractive. Instead, at least three times a day, I have to remove a stain from my shirt that Levi left behind. It’s like earning the title of Mom immediately zapped all the attractiveness right out of me.” WHY did I just tell him all of that? It’s like I can’t help but always spill my guts around him.
“I can tell you right now that’s not true. No one sees you that way.” He pauses briefly then turns his eyes to me. “I definitely don’t see you like that. In fact…I’m sort of envious of you.”
My mouth falls open. “What? No way.”
“Yes way.”
“What does my life have that could possibly make you envious?”
He turns his blue eyes to me, and I see a hint of sadness. “My life hasn’t exactly turned out the way I hoped.” Well, that’s mysterious. I keep waiting for him to expound and tell me what it is that’s lacking, but he doesn’t. Instead, he changes the subject. “Can I ask you a personal question?”
“Sure.”
“Levi’s dad…what’s the deal there?”
I scrunch my nose and groan, tilting my head back. “I thought you were going to ask what my star sign is or something.”
“Why would I ever want to know your star sign? I don’t even know mine.” He bumps my shoulder. “But if you don’t want to tell me, I understand.”
For some reason, I do want to tell him. I want to tell him everything all the time. “It’s okay. It’s not exactly classified information. Ask almost anyone around this town and they’ll tell you the truth: Lucy aimed too high.”
Cooper frowns, and his head jerks back a little. “Why in the world would you think that?”
“I don’t know. I mean, I’m sweet and generally liked by most people, but I’ve always been overlooked. Like I make a better friend than girlfriend. So, when I met Brent, Levi’s dad, at a party and he paid me the slightest bit of attention, I was a goner. He was in med school, really good-looking, and definitely a ladies’ man.” Sort of like you. “Anyway, that entire night was a mistake—one I greatly regretted when those pink lines popped up.” Even almost five years later, I can still remember exactly how it felt seeing that test verify that I was going to be a mother. The way my stomach twisted and my lungs squeezed. “It was so terrifying at the time, and although I regret that Brent is Levi’s dad, I don’t regret my son at all. As cliché as it sounds, he’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
Cooper’s smile is tender. “I could see that the other day even just from that short conversation you had with him over FaceTime.”
I laugh. “I don’t think you can call him torturing me with dizzying circles a conversation.”
“I liked getting to see you talk to him.” I don’t know how to respond to that, so I stay quiet. Cooper’s eyes glance down to where he cups water in his hand and pours it back out in a repetitive motion. Finally, he asks, “So you and Brent? How long were you together?”
My gaze shoots up to his face, realizing he doesn’t get it. Apparently, Drew hasn’t told him the whole story. A nervous, slightly self-deprecating chuckle falls from my mouth as I attempt to muster up the dignity for this story. “Never. We have never been a couple. That night after the party was it for us. He was… Well, he was never interested in me, just didn’t want to be alone that night I guess, and I was a cheap shot.” I wince at how terrible my own words make me feel. “When I told him I was pregnant, he was really quick to extinguish any ideas that we would be a couple in any way, shape, or form.”
“Wow…what a…” He trails off.
“A what?”
“A tool. He’s a freaking tool.”
I sputter a laugh because it feels way too good to hear someone else think and say that same thing about Brent. “Yeah. He kind of is. I mean, I don’t want to paint too bad of a picture, because he really is a good dad to Levi, which is why I think I’d held out hope for so long that we’d be a couple one day. Well, that and because he would, every now and then, say subtle little things that would make me think he was coming around to the idea and he’d like to be a family one day too. But then, in the next moment, he’d start dating a new woman, an
d I finally realized his words were all just hot air.”
He nods and hums a quiet understanding sound. “Do you still hope you’ll get together one day?”
I don’t have to consider this for even a second. In fact, my words probably come out with a little too much force. “Gosh, no. That’s actually why I moved away. I needed some space from Brent, and honestly, even though it was the hardest thing being away from my family and having to manage everything on my own, it was the best thing for me. I needed a new start, a town far enough away that if Brent asked me to go to dinner, I wouldn’t drop everything and say yes, only to have him stand me up when someone else became available.”
“Did that really happen?”
“More times than I’d like to admit.”
I don’t want to, but I peek at Cooper, admiring the way his broad shoulders glisten as they hover above the surface of the water. This moment feels so intimate, and I can’t help but wonder why he’s asking all of this. Friendship? Intrigue? Something more? I swirl my finger on the surface of the water and dare another glance at him, taking note of his pinched brows and mouth pressed into a line.
“Do you think less of me now…after hearing all that?”
My words seem to snap him out of his thoughts. His brows clear, and his eyes catch on mine. “No, not at all.” A soft, sad chuckle rolls through his chest, and I watch his Adam’s apple move up and down. “I was just thinking how similar our stories are, actually.”
“Really? Which part?” Suddenly, I’m nervous he’s going to tell me he has a son somewhere, which is so hypocritical of me to feel nervous about, but here I am, asking anyway. “Do you…have a child?”