“It was one for the books, but here are a few highlights: Cooper is an excellent kisser. He also called Brent out for keeping me as his ‘back-burner option’. Brent did not deny it. And after sitting silent for nearly fifteen minutes, Tanya abruptly broke up with Brent when it finally sank in how much of a butthead her boyfriend is.”
“Ooooh, I love public breakups. Did you film it?”
“No, I couldn’t get my phone out in time.”
“Amateur.”
“AND THEN!”
“There’s more?” I knew Jessie would eat this up.
“Much more. Brent left right after Tanya, but Cooper and I stayed and enjoyed the last bit of our fake date. Then, when we left, Brent was waiting outside for me.”
“NO!”
“YES. He asked to speak with me privately, and of course, Cooper was fine with it because he’s the best. But when Brent got me alone, he said Cooper was right, and he hadn’t realized it, but he had always been keeping me in the back of his mind as the woman he would settle down with when he was ready.”
“Flattering.”
“Exactly. He tried to kiss me, too, but I did that amazing move where you turn your face to the side and he only gets the cheek.”
“Savage!” Jessie is perched up on her knees now, listening intently. I’m happy my trainwreck of a life is giving her joy. I’m so giving.
“I got to tell him that I might have been waiting for him at one point, but not anymore. That I want someone who can see my worth from the start and he’d missed his chance. It would have been such an empowering moment.”
“Would have been?”
“Yeah, at the end of my speech, my decrepit bra gave up its will to live, and the fastener broke, giving these mom boobs the freedom to let themselves out the bottom of the cups like a dam breaking. It was quite the sight. Looked like I had two sets of boobs.”
Jessie’s mouth is wide open now, and she shakes her head, just now realizing I’m no longer wearing a bra. “How?! How do these things happen to you?”
“I’m special.”
Jessie matches my smirk. “Cooper definitely thinks so…is that a hickey?! Weren’t you not allowed to touch outside of the restaurant?”
Now I’m smiling like the Grinch. “Yeah. The restaurant got dinner and a show.”
Jessie and I both laugh, and it feels so good. Good to have a friend. Good to be home late. Good to know I’ll wake up in the morning to my favorite little boy and make pancakes. Everything feels good right now. How did I hold myself back from this for so long? I was trying to force myself into a picture of who I thought I should be, and it was suffocating. Now, I’m here, I’m growing, breathing, and I might not be the exact image of what motherhood should be, but I am full of messy happiness, and that’s enough for me.
Jessie and I end up talking until way too late in the night for her to drive home. She stays over, and when Levi wakes up in the morning and busts into the living room, diving into my arms for my favorite morning snuggle session, Jessie gets to see it all, and I’m glad. This—a picture of what will be—is far more encouraging than any speech I could have given her. She stays for pancakes, and Levi starts calling her Aunt Jessie before breakfast is even on the table.
I disappear for a few minutes to shower, and when I go into my room, I find my phone lit up with a text message on my nightstand.
Cooper: Just thought I’d let you know my pantry is empty.
I frown, wondering if he sent me this by mistake.
Cooper: So I’m going to the grocery store today after work.
Cooper: The one on the corner of 8th.
Cooper: Probably around 6. So…yeah. If you have an emergency, don’t come by my house at that time to find me…because I’ll be at the grocery store…on 8th.
I bite down on a smile, thinking the off-limits rule might be a little fun after all.
Lucy: Shoot, would you look at that? I just ran out of milk. I definitely need milk for Levi’s cereal tomorrow. Looks like I have to go to the grocery store later.
I have never felt like more of a creeper in my life than I do now, pushing my empty cart down every grocery store aisle, eyes hunting for a woman and her son. The lady with the high ponytail and yoga pants is seconds away from calling security. Well, I am, too, because she keeps pushing her ca