Of Night and Dark Obscurity

“Caroline.”

Touching his hand to her neck he pulled her to him kissing her gently at first and then with more desire. She moved to press against him and then she was flush on top of him even as he was kissing her. His hand was tangled in her hair and she could feel his body against hers.

Thunder and lightning filled the air and Caroline didn’t know if she trembled for it or for the white-hot desire that filled her veins. She could feel his hands in her hair, on her neck, and his mouth mesmerizing her.

“I’m besotted with you, Caroline.” He stopped to catch his breath. “Absolutely besotted.”

“Val I—“

“I know. This is new to you. You probably aren’t sure what you feel.”

“I know what I felt a moment ago. In your arms, lying next to you, I felt safe. I felt safe and at home,” she shrugged. “Is that stupid?”

He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. He knew in that moment without a doubt that he loved her. He loved her fiercely, but he didn’t want to frighten her.

“It’s not stupid at all. But it’s late.”

“It is,” she agreed.

He nodded. “I’ll see you home.”

???

Returning home late that night, Caroline felt confused. She had felt an attraction to Val and tonight she had felt something different. Lying next to him she had felt at peace and safe and she had wanted it to continue. It happened gradually but overtime she had come to care for Val. She did not want to see him harmed and it was the reason she had gone to the superintendent to make certain his reputation was intact.

Changing out of her dress and into her nightgown and wrapper, she took the lantern and went into Irene’s bedroom. She hadn’t been in her room since her death and the servants dusted but disturbed nothing. She never saw her grandmother or father enter the room either.

She closed the door behind her and looked about it. Her room was very feminine with hatboxes on the floor, colorful ribbons on her vanity table, as well as pictures of the theater stars torn out from London Society lining the mirror. She had several bottles of perfume, cold cream and lip salve. Caroline picked up one of the perfumes and the scent of violets was strong in the air. It immediately reminded her of Irene and she felt a strong sense of loss and pain.

She placed it back on the vanity table. She touched the pink and blue ribbons and the small lace gloves that Irene had adored. Something caught in the back of her throat and she closed her eyes. It was so unfair to have lost her. She had been so young. She saw her jewelry box sitting at the top of her drawers and she pulled it down and placed it on the vanity table. Opening it she recognized all of the pieces in it.

Most of the pieces had been gifts from their grandmother and father. A cameo brooch, a delicate pearl necklace, a ruby bracelet and a striking diamond bracelet that had belonged to their mother, Thirza, and had been given to Irene on her sixteenth birthday.

These items were lying in a shallow tray that could be pulled up and out to place more jewelry in the space beneath it. When she pulled the tray out her heart began to thump inside her chest. There was a small book lying amid the red velvet.

Caroline took the small book out and replaced the tray and returned the box to atop the dresser. She stared at the book for several minutes. Could it be a novel? Something she cherished. Perhaps a gift?

She knew there was only one way to find out. She opened the book. There on the first page was Irene’s girlish handwriting stating that this was her diary. Caroline thumbed through the pages and looked briefly at the dates. It appeared to be kept in the last six months of her life. Why had it started then and no further? Had something happened?

Taking up the lantern and the book, she returned to her room. As she turned the pages, she saw the first entry was almost six months ago. She was giddy and happy in her words. She mentioned Lyle Bowler by name only once and she called him Simon, his pretend name. Thereafter she referred to him as the artist. She said their love making was intense and fun and she had agreed to pose for his picture.

She wrote that they met at public houses to dine on shepherd’s pie and ale, and then would return to his lodgings. It seemed that she was quite happy until she met someone else.

I can hardly stand to put pen to paper for I fear it might all vanish. I have met a man who is the son of a Lord. He’s handsome and though I don’t want to part from the artist—he can offer me nothing. My Lord can offer me so much more. I have made plans to see him tomorrow. I can tell no one except Nell. Even she doesn’t know everything.

Caroline read the words carefully and then flipped to the next page.

My Lord and I have come to an arrangement. I am to be his mistress. I am so thrilled and excited. But there are things that frighten me about him. He doesn’t take no for an answer. I was not feeling well yesterday but that did not matter to him. Even when I said no, he forced me. I thought this was going to be a new experience but I feel trapped. He is very jealous.

Caroline felt herself grow ill as she read the words. Her darling sister who wanted to experience so much had instead found a monster who had used her. She read on.

I am so worried. My monthly bleeding has not happened. I fear I am with child. I can tell no one but I must tell my Lord. I hope that once he hears the blessed news this will entice him to marriage. That of course is the only way this will end. I will soon be married to a Lord and then all will be well. I see him this evening.

Caroline felt her insides clench as she read

the words her sister had written. She felt tremors of unease tickle her spine.

I am at a loss. My Lord does not want the babe. He says this is not the right time. He wants to send me to a doctor from the Americas who performs abortions. I agreed to this but secretly I have no intention of keeping the appointment. Instead I have decided I must force my Lord to see reason. Tomorrow we meet in the evening. I will go to his family and make a public announcement to force the marriage. This is the only way. I know this will work and my Lord will see reason. Once married I will make him a very good wife.