“And I understand why you’re not a fan of cars.”
I smiled slightly and leaned my head on his shoulder again.
“Motorcycles aren’t so bad.”
“Only when I’m driving. Otherwise, they’re incredibly dangerous.”
We lapsed into silence. Central Park was beautiful and reminded me of my favorite places back home in Boston, though that still seemed like a lifetime ago.
I felt safe with Roman. It was a strange contradiction—he should’ve terrified me. He was everything I hated: a monster, a killer, a beast. I watched him end multiple lives in our brief time together.
And yet he’d done nothing but keep me safe.
“I just want to move on. Do you know what I mean? I feel like I’m stuck reliving that moment over and over. I keep feeling the knife cut into my stomach. I can still smell the stale cigarettes on his breath. I can taste the anger and bile in my throat. I can’t escape it.”
“I understand better than you know,” he said and his voice sounded distant, his eyes gazing out at something far behind him.
I touched his cheek.
“What are you remembering?”
“An ice pond out near a cabin with my brother and my father.” He shook his head. “I’ll tell you about it sometime.”
“I’d be happy to listen.”
He kissed my lips and a surge of pleasure rolled down my spine, like stretching in front of a fire on a cold winter night.
“I’ve come to accept that there’s no changing the past. What happened will never come undone, and all we can do is learn to live with it. No matter how much it haunts us, the past will win if we let it consume our present.”
“I’m not sure I’m that strong.”
“You’re strong, believe me. What happened to you would have crippled a lesser person.”
“I feel crippled.”
“But you’re not. You live and laugh and still move forward. You’re not crippled, Cassie. You’re not broken or ruined or damaged. You’re far from it.”
I ran my fingers through his hair. When did I start to feel this way? A strange tenderness for him?
This man tricked me into marrying him and was using me for some massive political game I only partly understood. I was a tool for his revenge—and a pretty pet to amuse him at night.
And yet he looked at me with so much emotion I could barely contain the choked tears that pressed at my throat.
“Leave the past behind. I’ve been trying to do that for a long time.”
“Then do it with me. You’re what’s in front of me now, little doll. And I’ll be what’s in front of you, if you’ll let me.”
“I’ll try.”
He kissed my hands and stood. “Come then. I want to make you feel good before I make you feel very bad again.”
I smiled, not sure what he meant, and let him help me up. “Where are we going?”
“Back to my apartment. I still have business in the city. Dangerous business, but that’s for tomorrow.”
“What’s for tonight?”
“You are.”
24
Cassie
Roman shoved my legs open roughly and licked his tongue around the folds of my pussy.
He teased my lips and rolled his tip along my swollen clit. My back arched, my eyes widened. He pinned my hands to my side and I wrapped one leg around my neck, pushing him down against me harder.
I wanted the rough stubble on his chin and cheeks to mix with the soft delicious pleasure of his tongue. He grunted something animalistic and I rolled my hips, struggling slightly against his grip on my hands, but he was iron and I was soft wool, and there was no escape for me.
Not that I wanted any. He tongued me like lightning, like heaven, like an open blue sky for miles and miles and miles, and I squeezed my eyes shut and said this name, Roman, let it drip off my tongue as he growled in response, my beastly man, my perfect monster, my massive killer. He licked me, he sucked me, he drank me deep and kept me pinned there no matter how hard I pushed back, and he walked me right to the edge of that cliff—
Right to the edge, that blissful cliff, my muscles taut, all of them flexed and tightened, my mouth wide open, his name now nothing more than a meaningless gasp, an oh god oh god—
But before he let me tumble into dark bliss, he wrenched himself back and pressed his cock against me.
I stared and screamed in pleasure as he ripped himself into me.
Deeper, deeper, I sank deeper into him as he fucked me. He held my hands up above my head, kept them there with one massive paw, he licked my nipples and bit them, he bit my lower lip, he bit my neck and throat, he fucked me so hard I thought I might break, and the pleasure and the pain and everting in between mixed in a wild bubbling joy inside of my body, and he kept fucking me, and I writhed my hips against him, feeling the pressure build again, straining for that moment, that just-out-of-reach incredible moment—