I nod, and I barely make it through a song before I get up. I grab on to Ava’s water and walk to the edge of the dance floor. I’m a fool if I think I can just forget her. She already consumes my every thought. When the music changes to a slow song, I tighten my hold on the glass. She and Andrew are walking off toward me as she fans herself. She’s smiling... at least she is until she sees me standing here.
I let Andrew pass, and when she tries to go around me, I move in front of her, holding out the glass of water.
“Is that mine?” she asks.
I nod and watch as she gulps at the drink. When she’s done, I take it and set it on the table closest to us. “Dance with me.”
She’s still trying to catch her breath, and she shakes her head. “That’s not a good idea.”
She said no, and I should let her go, but I can’t. I need to have her in my arms. I soften my voice and bend down so I can search her eyes. If I’m scaring her, I’ll let it go. But it’s not fear in her eyes... it’s desire, and all I can do is hope that I’m the reason it’s there. I would hate to think I’m going to have to kick Andrew’s ass. “Please dance with me, Ava.”
She clenches her eyes and opens them. Nodding, she turns back to the dance floor. I put my hand on the small of her back and guide her across the room away from the prying eyes of the guys.
When we get to a small space, I move my hand around her waist and turn her into my arms. She looks everywhere but at me, and I want her eyes on me. My hands tighten on her waist at the thought she may be looking for Andrew. “Do you like him?”
She blinks and finally looks at me. “Like who?”
I pull her hips in closer. She inhales sharply, but at least she doesn’t pull away. “Andrew. Do you like him?”
She clenches her hands on the front of my shirt. “He’s nice to me.” I stop breathing until she continues. “I like him as a co-worker and a friend.”
I push a stray blond hair from her face and tuck it behind her ear. “I promise I’m going to be nice to you from now on.”
She’s fighting this attraction. I know she is and to be completely honest, I’m not completely ready for it, either. But it’s undeniable that the feeling is there, and I can’t not act on it. “I really am sorry, Ava.”
She shakes her head. “You were honest and told me what you thought. I never would have pictured you as sexist, though. I know I’m not the first firewoman you’ve worked with.”
I stop swaying. “I’m not sexist.”
She stutters. “So it’s just me you have a problem with... not the fact that I’m a woman.”
“Yes... No!” I say when she tries to pull away. “Let me explain.”
“You’ve apologized. It’s over. Are you done because I think I’m ready to go home now.”
I hold her tighter, afraid she’s going to leave. I’ve totally messed this up, and I have to fix it. “I’m not done, Ava. You’re driving me crazy. I can’t think, I can’t work. Everything I say is wrong. All I think about is you. I didn’t say all those things because I’m sexist... I want you.” I cup her face and move my thumb across her cheek. “And that scares me.”
Her hand goes to cup mine that’s on her face. She feels it too. I can see it in her eyes. It’s a scary feeling... wanting someone and sharing myself again, but in my heart, I know Ava’s worth it.
Her fingers wrap around mine, and she pulls back suddenly. She holds on to my hand and looks at it and then at me with shock on her face. Disgusted, she asks, “You’re married?”
I look at the ring on my finger in shock. I’d forgotten that I still even wear it, but seeing it with her in my arms sends a tremble through my body. Guilt, need, desire... I’m feeling it all, and I stand here speechless as her face crumples. She runs from me, and I have no choice but to let her go. I stand in the same spot, not moving, watching her run away from me.
5
Ava
He's married. That's all that keeps going through my head as I run out of the Fireside Bar and pick up my bike out of the back of Kent’s truck. He's married, and I'm attracted to him. I'm not that kind of woman... no matter what, I won't let myself be. I hate it, but the tears fall down my face, making my vision blurry all the way home. I ride as quickly as my legs will take me, afraid that he's going to follow me, and I know that I'm not gonna have the strength to turn him down. There's a sadness inside of him, and he's obviously not happy. I know that I could be the one to make him happy. The attraction between us is undeniable, but I can't do it - I can't be the other woman.