Darius didn’t seem worried. “I’ll talk to Willow. She’ll know what to do.”
That would be amazing—and she already had plans to make sure Alicia’s private fortune would be spent wisely as well.
“Did you talk to anyone else on the way home?” Gray wondered. “It felt so weird when everyone scattered right after the operation.”
“Ryan may have told me.” Darius flashed him an indulgent smirk. “And like he told you, we’ll have a reunion sometime soon.”
As if Gray could forget. “Right. At Connor’s place in Colorado.”
Amusement danced in Darius’s eyes. “It doesn’t have to be there, you know. Maybe they’ll come here. Or we can fly out to DC. River and Reese have plenty of space.”
They also had a kink mansion. Gray would much rather go there.
Darius took on a more pensive expression, and he squeezed Gray’s hand. “Are you having trouble landing?”
Damn, he was right on the money.
“A little,” Gray confessed. “I can’t stomach another tragic ending for a victim, so I avoid those segments at all costs. But whenever someone’s arrested? I make fucking popcorn. There’s a satisfaction in me that I didn’t really anticipate. Part of me feared I was gonna drop this case and hunt down another and never be satisfied.” After all, it was what Darius had warned him about. “Instead, I feel like I’ve fulfilled the promise I made to myself…”
Darius hummed and dug out a toothpick from a pocket, and he stuck it into his mouth. “I’m sensing a but.”
“More like an additionally.” Gray tried to keep it light. “No, but I don’t know. I’m happy. I’ve gotten closure. I’m slowly but surely understanding that it’s really over. It’s just…in the wake of it all, I’m wondering what’s next. Where do we go from here? How do you leave this behind and just…live normally?”
Darius squinted in thought, a playful smile on his face, and said, “You walk away. You open a restaurant, and you wait five years, and then a friend will ask you a favor.”
Gray laughed and shook his head. In the dim light from the oil lamp, Darius was so fucking beautiful. His hazel eyes were warm, and his crow’s feet were more pronounced.
“I’m not very good at walking away. Or landing, for that matter.” The humor faded, and Darius shifted his toothpick from one side to the other. “I’ve never been betrayed by someone in the work field that I trusted either.”
Alicia.
“To be honest, I don’t know how to process that,” Darius admitted. “Or if it’s just one of those things you grumble over from time to time. Because there’s no use in getting angry. She’s dead. She failed. And…frankly, I’m too tired to be angry. My focus has shifted too. I have you, the boys, and this place—and I don’t wanna waste any energy hating the dead when I can…”
“Love the living?”
“It’s okay for you to be cheesy. It’s cute.”
Gray chuckled and threaded their fingers together.
Darius sighed and stared at their joined hands. “However we move on, we do it together, knucklehead. That’s all I know. One step at a time.”
Gray liked that.
“On the other hand, I’m not sure a PMC—former or active—can live a completely normal life,” Darius murmured. “When I walked away and opened the fish camp, Ryan and I toasted to ourselves for being able to not only quit the service altogether but also change fields. I mean, look at Dante. Look at Elliott and Tariq. They can’t let go. Dante left the front line but jumped into consulting in the same area. Elliott only semiretired—and his main job is in security. Similar with Tariq. And even the twins—River and Reese walked away too, but here we all are. Something always pulls us back in, even if it’s temporary. They kept their old phone charged and switched on at all hours, the one where only a bunch of old grunts could reach them.”
“Because you never know,” Gray finished quietly.
“Because we never know,” Darius confirmed. “And that’s not really going away, sweetheart. I say this now, and I admit it to myself, that something can always happen. For as long as any of the men we know are active, our phone will be on in case they need a favor. Just like they were available when we needed them.”
Gray nodded slowly, processing, and found himself at war with two conflicting emotions. He was done risking his life. The mere thought of putting themselves in that kind of danger again terrified him. At the same time, he couldn’t deny the elation that coursed through him.
“I want the cake and to be able to eat it too, Darius,” he said in a rush. “Is that possible? Can we stay sharp and work out and wait just in case someone needs us—but without putting our lives on the line?”
“Of course we can.” Darius’s forehead creased, and he squeezed Gray’s hand. “You’re outta your mind if you think I would prioritize a case over our safety. Especially since I know you—you’re gonna demand to be a part of it.”