“Maybe it’s my phone. Call me,” I tell Chad.
He rolls his eyes but does as I ask, and the shrill ring of my phone echoes throughout the small diner. “I wonder what’s up?” he asks.
“I thought you said she was fine?” I ask, trying not to let my panic show.
“I’m sure she’s fine,” he assures me. “But this is unlike her.”
I nod as the waitress drops off our food. He tries to distract me with random small talk, but it’s hard to focus or even eat. I force it down, knowing I need the sustenance, but I don’t taste it.
A few minutes before eleven, Chad’s phone rings. “It’s Cass,” he says, placing the phone to his ear. “What’s up?”
I can see it on his face. Something is wrong. I fucking knew it. Standing from my bed, I begin to pace the room again. “Is she okay?” I ask. It’s rude as fuck to ask him while he’s on the phone, but I can’t find it in me to care.
He ignores me. “Okay. Yeah. I’ll tell him. Can you call us when it’s over?” He’s quiet while she replies. “Thanks, Cass. Love you.”
“Tell me,” I say, standing with my hands on my hips.
“I’m going to need you to sit down.”
“No. Just tell me. Is she okay? Is it her mom? What did she do? Fuck, I should be there.”
“Ford!” he says, much louder than he should have to. “Sit your ass down.”
I do as he says, closing my eyes and pulling air into my lungs. With a slow exhale, I open my eyes and nod. “Tell me.”
“She’s okay,” he starts, and I feel my shoulders relax just a little. “She was at work and having some cramping and belly pain. There was some bleeding. Jet took care of her. Called Cass, and she drove her to the hospital.”
“What caused it? You said she was okay. Can I talk to her? Why can’t I talk to her? Fuck. She’s my girlfriend.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” he asks.
“We’re not married. That means I can’t get leave. I can’t go see her.” My mind is racing, and I’m wondering if I should do something like break my arm or my leg, something to get me home to her. I’m desperate. I can’t go AWOL. Being in jail won’t help her, but I need to get there. I think I might be losing it.
“Ford. I need you to listen to me.”
Shaking out of my thoughts, I give him my full attention.
“She’s in surgery.”
“Tell me.” I know he’s holding something back. “What’s wrong with my heart?”
“She didn’t know,” he says cryptically.
“What didn’t she know, Chad? Please stop talking in fucking riddles and just spit it out.”
“She was pregnant, Ford. She didn’t know, and she lost the baby. I’m sorry, man.”
“W-What?”
Pregnant.
She lost the baby.
I swallow hard. “Repeat that,” I say, my voice not sounding like my own.
“I’m so sorry. They have to do a procedure, and that’s where she is now. My mom and sister are both there with her.”
“Fuck. I can’t leave, Chad. I have to wait until tomorrow to ask for emergency leave. Will they even let me? We’re not married, but that was—” I swallow down the bile in my throat. “That was my baby.” My voice cracks.
Hot tears burn behind my eyes, and I know no matter how hard I try, I’m not going to be able to keep them at bay. My Shayne, our baby. She’s in the hospital dealing with all of this without me. If I didn’t already know, I do now: I’m not signing up for more time. I can’t. This distance, not being able to be there with her, it’s killing me. My chest is tight, and it’s hard to breathe.
“I’m so fucking sorry,” Chad says. I feel his arms engulf me in a hug, and the dam breaks. Tears fall unchecked, and I hug him back.
My baby.
“When can I talk to her?” I ask him.
“Cass said she would call after the procedure. She and Mom are staying with her. They’re taking good care of her.”
“I know, but it should be me. I should be there to hold her and tell her that we’ll try again.”
“Wait? Were you trying?”
“No. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to. I want everything life has to offer us. That includes marriage and kids, and anything else she could ever want.”
He nods. “Why don’t you pack? You’re going to need to plead your case, and I don’t know how much time they’ll give you. A few days, maybe a week, but you need to be ready when they do so you can get on the road.”
“I need to rent a car,” I tell him as I pull my phone out of my pocket and pull up the rental car site. I secure a car for a week, not caring if I don’t really need it that long. “Chad?”