I missed her like crazy, but we made it work. Our love is built on a solid foundation. We wrote many letters about the loss of our baby and what we wanted for our future. It sounds crazy, but I feel as though I know her better than I know myself. I have the distance to thank for that. Sure, this would have happened with time. The distance fast-tracked us, and I’m good with it. In fact, it’s worked in my favor.
I know she looks forward to the nights that we gaze up at the stars. I know she wants to be a mother more than anything. She wants to prove that she’s breaking the cycle, and like her, I can’t wait to be a father.
We will always mourn the baby we lost, but we are both looking forward to the day when we hold a tiny human in our arms that’s a piece of both of us.
I know Shayne’s favorite color is pink. She hates onions, loves Doritos, and chocolate cake. I know that the stars tattooed on her shoulder blade are a reminder of the life we’re building together and that no matter where we are or have been in the world, we’re still always together.
I know without a shadow of a doubt that she is the absolute love of my life. My future is with her. She’s going to be the mother of my children, the smile I come home to, and everything in between. I know she loves me as much as I love her, and the future we talked about all those months ago while I was away is happening now.
Tomorrow, the woman lying in my arms, the love of my life, graduates from college. I can’t tell you how fucking proud I am of her. For the last two months, since I’ve been home, I’ve been staying with her and my sister, Faith. It’s been good, but I’m ready for us to have our own space. We’ve talked a lot about what that would look like, and part of the reason I can’t sleep is that tomorrow, I get to give Shayne her graduation present.
The present isn’t just for her, which is kind of a dick move, but I know she’s going to love it. It’s for us—our first house. We’ve been looking online, and there was one house a few weeks ago that she fell in love with. I went to look at it, and it’s everything we both want. Lucky for me, I saved most of the money I made while in the Army, which allowed me to have the down payment, and some cash left over for furniture, which the two of us will pick out together.
For now, there is an air mattress and bedding in the master bedroom waiting for our first night there. It’s not the most romantic gesture, but the double lounge chair on the back deck is. I want to be able to lie under the stars with her anytime I want. We’ve spent enough time looking at them separately. For the rest of our forever, I want to hold her in my arms as we stare up at the twinkling night sky.
I told Faith she could stay with us until she got on her feet. She’s a substitute teacher right now, but she’s applying for full-time positions closer to our parents. I love our parents, but moving home after not living there for four years would have been tough. Faith was worried about Shayne not wanting a house guest so soon, but we both know the worry isn’t needed. Those two have become as thick as thieves over the last few months. I’m thrilled they get along so well, considering Shayne is about to be her new sister-in-law.
I wish I could say that taking her to our home, which is close to my parents, and her graduation is the only reason I’m lying awake tonight. However, there is a little black box hidden away in the closet of my sister’s bedroom that says otherwise. I’m going to ask her to marry me. I’m not nervous. I’m not worried that she’s going to say no. I know that we’re solid and that the love we have for one another is deep and true. No, I can’t sleep because I’m excited. Finally, we are both at the same stage of our lives. We no longer have the army or college hanging over us. We’re ready to move forward with our next chapter.
There was a slight transition for me coming back to civilian life, but I’d like to think that I adjusted well. I got a job at a local car manufacturing plant as an operations manager. I was excited to see that my skills from the army could carry over into my civilian life.