As I looked at him, his expression changed as he realized I wasn’t kidding around.
“Fox, what’s up?”
I swallowed hard. “I’m going back to New York.”
Sam looked to the floor and then back up at me. “I mean, I know. But we’ve got a good few more days on the road, and I kind of don’t want to think about that, okay?”
I let out a slow breath. “I’m going back today.”
His eyes narrowed. “What? But that’s… not even possible. It would take you at least three days to drive back from here.”
“That’s why I’m not driving.”
I expected Sam to protest. I might have even expected him to cry a little, or to yell at me, not believing what I was doing.
But his reaction hurt so much more than any of those could have.
“Oh,” he said simply, nodding once, his expression going blank. “I see.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t expect this at all, and I know you didn’t, either.”
He glanced away, looking back outside to the family before turning back to me. “No. It’s not that surprising, to be honest.”
It hit me like a punch to the face.
“What do you mean?”
He shrugged one shoulder, his lips still pressed into a thin line. “I’m a little surprised you didn’t leave sooner. You’ve got a busy, important life. I knew you wouldn’t want to spend almost a full two weeks with us idiots.”
“Sam, it’s definitely not like that,” I said. “I have to get back. The CEO of my company just announced he’s retiring. His position is going to be appointed, and it could be me. But not if I’m gone for another ten days.”
Sam’s eyes still looked sad, but understanding fell over his face. “You can’t say no to that,” he said softly. “It would mean more money, I guess?”
“More money. More prestige, more security, and maybe retiring in my forties.”
He swallowed hard. “And a lot more work until then, right?”
I sighed, finally nodding. “Yes.”
“Well, you’ve got to get back.”
His voice sounded so plain, so defeated in a way I’d never heard.
“I am so sorry,” I said.
“I understand,” Sam said. “Really. It’s okay, Fox. Live your life. And good luck.”
Sam was putting on a happy face now, but I knew better.
At least I thought I knew better. Because I was torn up inside about leaving, and there was no way he didn’t feel some shred of this bitter disappointment. It wasn’t possible. Right?
“Maybe you’ll visit for Christmas this year?” Sam asked, turning to head back out of the RV.
“Jesus, I hope to visit a lot sooner than that.”
He nodded, but I could tell he didn’t believe me. And why should he? For my whole life, I’d been distancing myself from my home. Sam was smart to assume the worst from me. Even though I knew deep down that I’d want nothing more than to visit him, I also knew accepting CEO would mean I couldn’t for a long, long time.
As Sam’s hand reached for the door handle, my heart was in my throat.
“Wait,” I said insistently, reaching out for his shoulder.
He turned back, his gorgeous green eyes landing on mine.
“I’m going to miss the hell out of you,” I said. “But I’ll see you as soon as I can.”
“I’m going to miss you, too, Fox,” he said. “It was a fun trip.”
He clearly didn’t believe me.
There was no way to make him believe I’d be back soon until I actually found time to do it.
With that, he was out the door. I gathered myself before walking out, scrubbing my palms over my face.
A fun trip.
Was that really all it had been?
Even though that’s how it had felt for me at the start, there had been something much more than just “fun” for me with Sam.
I had connected with him in a way I’d never connected with anyone before. I’d made memories that were going to stay with me forever, memories that I knew I wouldn’t be able to get out of my head. Maybe for people like Sam, that was just the norm. Maybe I was one guy in a long line of hook-ups for him, something that was entertaining while it lasted.
But now more than ever, I knew that it was so much more for me.
As I approached the family, I realized that Sam had already broken the news. Everyone’s faces held that same disappointed, resigned look—but like Sam, none of them actually looked that surprised. Even Cocoa was disinterested, curled up on a little patch of grass, half-asleep.
My heart ached like it was slowly cracking into pieces.
This was what I had taught my family to expect from me. They expected me to leave, to not follow through, to not be there.
And I’d never felt so guilty before in my life.
“I’m... sorry,” I said.
“It’s ok, kid,” Dad said, coming up to give me a hug. “I’m proud of you. I hope you get the position. I’d been wanting an excuse to try out that RV, anyway.”