To his shame, there were even days he didn’t think of his wife. The first time he realized he hadn’t thought of her for days, the guilt really fucked with him. For weeks after, he snapped and growled at everyone until Lachlan finally got it out of him what was wrong.
As always, his brother reassured him. Reminded him it had happened when they lost their mum and their dad. That it was normal.
Life moved on.
But then there were days when the grief hit again.
Not like it was in that first year. Everything ached back then. His chest, his gut, even his jaw and gums ached with the tension of his grief.
Now it came back as a deep pang of longing.
Like tonight.
Tonight was the first in a very long time he wished he were rolling into bed beside Fran. The Fran from university. The girl who’d loved him and adored him and never dreamed of being disloyal to him. But that wasn’t fair, was it?
Thane laid back on the empty bed, the one he’d replaced when he couldn’t get back into the one he’d shared with Fran. He turned to look at the pillows next to his.
In the end, it didn’t matter whether she was the Fran from university or the Fran who upended his entire world before she fell pregnant with Eilidh. She was Fran. The mother of his children. And it would have been a beautiful miracle to go to bed at her side that night.
The sudden emptiness was strange.
Almost as if it had come out of the blue.
Or brought on by the redhead living in his annex.
Her smile popped into his mind, and his gut twisted.
Sighing, Thane pushed up off the bed and set about changing into his pjs. No more of this maudlin rubbish. So he was wary of people after Lucy—that was only natural. But Regan was Robyn’s sister. And Robyn was one of the most trustworthy people he knew, so he had to trust in Robyn’s judgment. There was no need to be uneasy about Regan’s presence in their lives.
Eilidh and Lewis were thrilled. Especially Eilidh. She’d fallen in love with the American already.
But Regan was leaving in six months.
Aye, there was the rub.
He’d have to make sure Eilidh and Lewis knew Regan’s stay was temporary. And he’d have to do it in a much better way than how he’d communicated about Lucy’s betrayal.
His head nipping with too many concerns, Thane was glad to fall into bed so he could read for a bit. He should be in his office working on the extensive project his firm had just taken on—a commercial revamp of Aberdeen’s shopping district—but Thane had already decided not to work himself into an early grave for someone else’s company. He’d work the hours he was being paid to work. End of.
Opening the crime thriller he was halfway through, Thane tried to fall back into the story … but the words weren’t penetrating. His gaze drifted to his bedroom window, his thoughts returning to Regan in the annex.
He hoped she remembered how to set the alarm properly.
Not that there was a significant chance of anything happening to her on the edge of Caelmore, but Thane was more security conscious after their old family friend and Ardnoch Estate’s mechanic, Fergus, and Lucy terrorized Ardnoch.
“She’s fine,” he muttered to himself, turning back to his book.
Fifteen minutes later, he gave up with a muttered curse under his breath, threw the book on the floor, and switched off the light, hoping sleep would come. It didn’t. On nights his brain was overactive, he used to fuck Fran until they were both exhausted. That was early on in their marriage. After Lewis, their sex life changed.
A lot of things changed between them.
8
Regan
The sound of the lapping sea filtered through my consciousness, waking me before my alarm. As late as night had fallen, day broke early, sunlight filtering through the cracks between the automatic blinds. Blinking against the light, I smiled at the sound of seagulls crying.
I’d left a window open last night because it was a little stuffy in my small apartment, and I decided I’d do it again tonight. The sounds of nature as a wake-up call was pretty fantastic.
“Turn on lights,” I said loudly, and all the lights came on in the guest house. I could get used to this. “Turn on coffee.”
A whirring sound from my left drew my attention, and I saw the red light blinking on the coffee machine. I grinned. “Oh, yeah, I could really get used to this.”
Since I was up earlier than I needed to be by half an hour, I dallied while making coffee. I took my phone off charge with the adapter plug from Robyn. “Open blinds,” I commanded and then snuggled into the sofa to watch the large blinds on the sliding doors open. From here, I had a partial view of the sea beyond.