There with You (Adair Family 2)

“Ew, Robbie!” I laughed. “It’s not at all the same thing.”

Robyn huffed and kneeled beside me to pull me to sitting. Her brow knit together. “Seriously. Why would you suggest that to Thane?”

“Why not?” I deflected. “You and Lachlan started off with a sex-but-zero-commitment affair.”

“Yeah, but we didn’t even like each other, let alone have feelings for each other.”

“Not true. I know you can’t just have sex with some random.”

My sister considered this and amended. “There were things I liked about him, but there were more things I didn’t like about Lachlan. But I couldn’t deny that I had never wanted to have sex with a guy more in my life. Would I have fallen into bed with him if I had emotional feelings for him, knowing he only wanted sex? No. That’s asking for trouble. As it was, it was horrible thinking I’d fallen in love with him and he didn’t feel the same way. You suggested having sex and zero commitment with a man you actually care about. Why?”

I winced, dreading the truth, so I posed it as a question. “Because I thought that if we got close enough, he might develop feelings for me?”

She gave me her best “big sister is disappointed in you” look.

Ouch.

“You’re setting yourself up to get hurt. And you’re being dishonest. With yourself and with Thane. That’s not fair to either of you.”

Shamed, I looked away. “It just came out … without me thinking it through. It’s a moot point, anyway. I kind of actually detest his guts right now.” Sort of. Like seventy/thirty in the hate/sympathy ratio.

Robyn grimaced. “That’s not good. What happened?”

I told her what he’d said to me at Arro’s.

A dark cloud fell over my sister’s face. “Shit. It looks like I’m going to be a parent sooner than I’d thought.”

Confused, I blinked rapidly. “Uh, what?”

“Well, someone is going to have to adopt Eilidh and Lewis after I kill their father.”

Even though I knew she was joking, there was a serious, hard glint in her eyes. “Robyn, it’s fine. I’m fine.” I beamed at her. “You know me. Water off a duck’s back.”

“Why do you do that? Why do you lie to me?”

I flinched. “I’m not …” Shaking my head, I shrugged. “Because if I told the truth half the time, I’d cry. People don’t want to know if you’re sad or hurt or angry or depressed, Robbie. Not even so-called friends. They just want you to say that you’re fine so they don’t have to expend emotional energy on you.”

Hurt flickered across her face. “And you think that’s how I am?”

“No.” I hurried to assure her, realizing belatedly how it had come out. “No. I meant I picked up on that a long time ago with other people, sometimes even with Mom, and I’ve just gotten into the habit of being happy-go-lucky no matter how I’m really feeling because I know most people don’t want to hear the truth.”

“You don’t have to do that with me.”

I stared at my sister, blinking back tears. “I know that. I do.”

“So hit me with the truth.”

I sucked in a breath and shakily exhaled it. “He hurt me. He made me feel … like I had imagined it. He used the word harass. I spent the night crying in my bed like a sixteen-year-old because I was so scared I was doing to him what Austin did to me.”

“That is completely different.” I could hear the sharp edge of genuine anger in Robyn’s voice.

“I know that now. I’ve had four days of giving the bastard the cold shoulder to come to that conclusion myself. He said what he said so he didn’t have to deal with me anymore, and he didn’t care if he hurt me to do it.”

“I doubt he didn’t care,” Robyn said, surprising me.

“Really?”

“I’m angry at him for speaking that way to you, but I can’t imagine he’s happy with himself about it.”

“Where’s his apology, then? He’s not giving me the silent treatment anymore, but he didn’t apologize for what he said.” I shook my head, looking toward the water beyond the cliff. “I should quit, but every time I think about it, I cannot imagine leaving Eilidh and Lewis.”

“Or Thane.”

“No, he can go fuck himself, preferably with a glove made of splinters.”

Robyn threw her head back in laughter, and I couldn’t help but laugh too. Then she reached for my hand, squeezing it. “Do you know how brave you are?”

Instantly, my smile fell and I tried to pull away. She wouldn’t let me. “Don’t.”

“No, I will.” Robyn leaned toward me. “Do you think for one second that I would have told Lachlan I wanted him if he hadn’t made the first move?”

“Of course, you would. You’re the most courageous person I’ve ever known.”

She looked modestly uncomfortable with the praise and shrugged. “Maybe I’m okay with situations like kidnappings and break-ins and shootouts … but when it comes to my heart? Regan, it took me ten years to get up the courage to find Mac. And I never told a guy I loved them after Josh Horner broke my heart. I didn’t even try to let a guy in until Lachlan. And he wasn’t very nice to me at first, so I would most definitely have not made myself vulnerable to him. If he hadn’t mauled me”—she raised her eyebrow with a smirk—“in Gordon’s trailer that first time, and then again in his office and again—”