I wanted him to have experienced what I just experienced.
Something beyond an orgasm.
Love. The word whispered in my mind, and I swiped angrily at a tear. Determined not to let his abrupt departure twist up my head beyond anything but the need to return to his children, I pushed out of bed and found my way to the shower in the dark.
20
Thane
His skin heating as his thoughts turned to last night, Thane reached out and twisted the knob on the shower to cold. “Fuck,” he grunted as ice-cold water cascaded over him. But he needed it. He groaned as the image of Regan sprawled before him, taking him, her face flushed with pleasure, refused to leave his mind. Thane leaned his forehead against the cool tiles. He attempted to get a hold of himself.
He had sex with his nanny last night.
With his twenty-five-year-old nanny.
With his twenty-five-year-old, soon-to-be sister-in-law of his brother.
“And you knew that and did it anyway,” Thane murmured as he got out of the shower to dry off. And if he was being honest with himself, he had every intention of doing it again and again and again until she left or grew bored with him. That didn’t really say much for his self-respect, but as long as he got to make love to Regan Penhaligon again, his self-respect could go fuck itself.
Thane moved into the bedroom to dress. It was early. The kids wouldn’t be up for a few more hours as he let them sleep in on Sundays. The weekends were when Regan most often went next door to see Robyn or spent time with Eredine and Arro. Sometimes even with Will, Jock’s fiancé. All this he knew, because whether she realized it, Thane listened to every word that came out of her mouth.
And he didn’t want her to spend this Sunday with someone else. He wanted her in his house, even if he had to pretend like all she was to him was the kids’ beloved nanny.
Aye, he remembered the night before and grew heavy with need all over again. If it wasn’t so contaminated by his doubts and guilt, last night with Regan would have been one of the best goddamn nights of his life. He’d come so hard he thought his heart was going to explode.
As soon as the thought crossed his mind, his attention caught on the photo of him and Fran on his nightstand. A different guilt knotted his gut. He’d loved Fran. Adored her. Thought there was nobody like her … until she cheated on him. The sex had been great too. No complaints there.
Yet never, not even with the woman he’d forgiven and promised to spend the rest of his life with, had he ever experienced such an animalistic, desperate need to be inside someone as he had last night with Regan. Everything went out of his mind. Everything but her body, her reactions, the way she felt coming around him.
He stared at Fran smiling back, and his gut tightened even harder. “It’s just sex,” he promised her, as she had once promised him. “Doesn’t mean anything.”
Thane tensed as he remembered the sound of Fran’s dry laughter. Liar, he swore he heard his dead wife purr in his ear.
* * *
REGAN
It was a beautiful day. Much too beautiful for November. Unseasonably warm. Eils and Lew loved it, tearing across the sand, chasing each other on Ardnoch Beach. We had the whole place to ourselves.
“Slow down!” I shouted, hurrying to catch up with them. They’d gotten fast. I couldn’t seem to get within closing distance of them, the wet sand resistant to my attempts. Realizing they were growing farther away, panic set in. “Eilidh, Lewis, come back!”
“Daddy!” Eilidh screamed joyfully, and I followed her gaze to see Thane standing waist deep in the sea, beckoning her.
It was too deep.
“Thane!” I tried to catch up, to warn him. Why couldn’t he see it was too deep?
“Eilidh!” Lewis shouted now as his sister rushed into the water.
Then Thane was there, lifting her up into his arms, and catching Lewis in his other. Relief flooded me. The waves crashed gently against his waist, but he didn’t move, a powerful, solid, stalwart protector.
I loved him. I loved them all. So much.
Smiling as they waved, I continued to attempt to reach them, but they never seemed to grow any closer. “Come to me!” I yelled through frustrated tears.
A powerful arm banded around my waist, pulling me into a hard body. Austin’s fake smile filled my view, and I struggled against his hold. “What are you doing here? Let go!”
“Shh,” he hushed, hauling me into his arms and pressing my cheek to his chest. “It’s okay, Regan, I’ve got you. This is where you belong. They’re not for you. But I want you. I’ll always want you.”