There with You (Adair Family 2)

Indignation stiffened my spine. “When have I ever said I wanted that? I don’t want that! It’s empty. And the so-called friends from that life? Where are they, Dad? I don’t have any. Other than you and Mom—when she’s not being a selfish psycho—I had nothing real in Boston. I have Robyn here. And him … I … nothing is more real than him and Eilidh and Lewis. From almost the beginning, we clicked into place, like we’d been a family forever.”

Robyn’s hand pressed deeper into my back at my confession.

“Then stay,” Dad said, even though I knew it cost him. “Stay and fight for them.”

Worry niggled me. “I don’t want to harass him.”

“You don’t need to. You just need to show him you’re not going anywhere.”

34

Regan

The longing to wallow was real.

Yet I wanted to prove, not just to everyone else but to myself, that I could handle fear and grief without running away like I had in the past. I knew Robyn wanted me to talk to a professional about why I always ran, and maybe I would in the future, but for now, I wanted to try on my own. It wasn’t easy. I fought the urge to pack my bags and run almost every hour of the day. Alone in one of Lachlan and Robyn’s guest rooms, I’d bury my face in a pillow and cry all the tears I couldn’t cry throughout the day.

In the harsh cast of daylight, I held it together as best I could. My sister’s house had probably never been cleaner. I knew she worried I was bottling shit up, but really, I was just protecting myself from falling apart in front of my mother.

There was no way to salvage Christmas dinner. I felt awful ruining it for Eilidh and Lewis. Robyn assured me it was all right, that Arrochar would make it up for them the next day. In the UK, they celebrated Boxing Day the day after Christmas, and it involved another big family meal. They hosted it at Thane’s, and for Eilidh and Lewis, I insisted Robyn and Lachlan be there. Brodan was leaving the day after, and I wanted him to have uninterrupted time with his family too.

Mom, Dad, and I stayed put.

And I hid in my room.

Robyn said they’d tell Eils and Lew that I was sick and they’d see me later. I’d hoped that was true, that I could convince Thane to let me continue as their nanny.

However, when I texted him to meet me the day after Boxing Day at the annex, I was floored by his coldness. As soon as he walked into the small apartment, memories rushed over me of the past few months. Of our passionate nights here. Of the dreams I’d spun in my head of making a life with him.

My heart throbbed so hard in my chest, I was nauseated.

And he stood about three feet away, his arms crossed over his chest, staring at me like I was a stranger.

Before I could speak, he announced, “I need to make this quick because we’re seeing Brodan off at the airport … I’m letting you go, Regan. I’ll pay you for January for the inconvenience of an abrupt termination, but I think this is for the best. You’re leaving soon, anyway, and your presence in Eilidh’s and Lewis’s lives has become confusing for them.”

Thane sounded so emotionless. Like it meant nothing to him to cut me out.

Was my dad wrong? Would I be humiliating myself if I stuck around to prove something to this man?

Suddenly angry at him, I stared incredulously. “What have I done to deserve you treating me with such contempt?”

His stoic expression faltered, and his tone softened a little. “It’s not contempt. You have done nothing. I’m just doing what’s best for my kids.”

“By taking me away from them?”

Indignation flashed in his eyes. “You’ll be gone, eventually. The longer we let this go on between us, the worse it will get.”

“I’m going to be in their lives. My sister is marrying your brother,” I reminded him.

“They’ll see you once or twice a year when you visit. By then, they’ll have—” He cut off abruptly.

Fighting back tears, I couldn’t look at him. “Forgotten me.”

“Regan …” he sighed heavily, and I felt like an inconvenient child he was forced to deal with. “I am sorry it turned out this way.”

Tightness crawled across my chest, like a stone creature sat atop it. The thought of not seeing him, not touching him, never being in his arms again was unbearable. And the thought of not being there for Eilidh and Lewis as they grew up killed me. I wanted to witness them become the amazing adults I knew they’d be. To send them off to high school, watch them go on their first dates, cry my heart out after dropping them off at college, and spend every Christmas I had left on this planet with them because they were my family.