The Introvert's Guide to Blind Dating (The Introvert's Guide 3)

“But not cookies,” Maverick quipped.

I glared at him.

Amanda turned to him. “You are new.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he replied.

“I’m too young to be called ma’am. Amanda is just fine.”

I grinned.

“Yes, Amanda,” he repeated, fighting a smile. “Maverick. Hi.”

“Pleased to meet you. Are you with Piper?”

“He’s my muscle for the day,” I said quickly. “Where do you want this stuff?”

Amanda waved her hand. “Just sign in, and I’ll call for someone to come and get it. They’ve been surprisingly well-behaved today, but their art lesson is painting so anything can happen.”

I fought back a smile. “Didn’t Rosie ask the teacher to pose nude for them last time?”

Maverick startled.

“Yeah,” Amanda said slowly, passing us the clipboard. “He didn’t want to come back.”

“Can’t say I blame him.” I signed in and handed it to Maverick. “Just put your name and time of arrival under mine.”

He did that and gave the board back to Amanda.

“Thank you. You can go on over. They’re all in the screened porch today, but I have no idea what you’ll find when you get there. Frankly, after last week’s pottery lesson and Betty’s penis bowl, I don’t think I want to know.”

Ah. The penis bowl. Betty was a fairly new resident who’d settled in just fine with the troublemakers, and in her first art lesson, she’d created a beautifully round bowl. Turned out she did pottery in her younger years, and everyone was suitably impressed.

Until she made tiny clay penises and attached them to her bowl.

I was still trying to decide if Mabel or Agatha had dared her to do it or if she’d just done it for fun.

“I’m sorry, what?” Maverick whispered to me. “She made a what?”

“I tried to warn you. You didn’t listen.” I shrugged, tucking my hands into my sweater pockets. “You really could stumble upon anything in this room, just a warning.”

“I don’t think I want to do this.”

“Too late. Think of it as… inspiration for your next book.”

“Inspiration? What’s inspiring about a bunch of seniors crafting genitalia?”

I shrugged again. “I don’t know, but it’s certainly a talking point.”

“I suppose you’re right,” he muttered to himself. “This place is huge.”

“Yep. It’s to house all the egos.”

“You’re joking, right?”

“Have I been joking about anything so far?” I raised my eyebrows, and when he didn’t reply, I said, “Exactly.”

We turned the corner to the hall that led to the screened porch. It saved us having to go through the giant living area and get waylaid by someone who wasn’t in an art mood today.

About fifteen of the seniors were sitting in front of little easels on individual tables. They were the kind that folded away for camping or something like that, and by the looks of it, they were nearly done.

A very large bowl of fruit was on some kind of pedestal in the middle of the room. That was simple enough to paint, but I had no doubt someone would make it inappropriate.

I motioned for Maverick to hide quietly at the back of the room with me. Honestly, he should be thanking his lucky stars he wasn’t here witnessing those yoga sessions.

To their credit, they were getting pretty good at it. I still wished they wouldn’t wear the neon Lycra pants, though. Dylan had tried and failed to implement a dress code.

Ten minutes passed before Grandma held up her hand. “I’m done.”

At least we could count on her to have done a good job at the fruit bowl. There would be nothing inappropriate in hers.

I shuffled around to take a look. “Hey, Grandma,” I said softly, putting my hand on her shoulder. “Looks good.”

She startled a little. “Oh, Piper.” She laughed, reaching up and touching her wrinkled hand to my soft one. “I didn’t know you were coming today.”

“I brought treats.” I winked. “I closed the bakery early and thought I’d bring some over.”

“Oh, yum. A nice slice of cake is just what I need after this.”

“I finished!” Mabel sang, waving her paintbrush in the air. “Look at my fruit balls!”

Her fruit balls?

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Mabel proudly held up her canvas. She looked as though she’d made a good start, but somewhere along the line, the banana and lemons had been placed to great a giant yellow penis, and the apples all had…

No.

Were those… nipples?

“Are those nipples on your apples, dear?” Betty adjusted her cat-eye shaped glasses. “Gracious. Look at that banana schlong!”

I glanced over at Maverick. He was still leaning against the wall where I’d left him, and his eyes were as wide as saucers. He was totally rocking the deer in headlights look, and I had to stop myself from bursting out laughing at the expression on his face.

He… was finding out what life in White Peak was truly like.

Best he learned that before he signed a one-year rental lease on a house.

“Oh, Mabel, can’t you be civilized for once in your life?” Rosie asked, adjusting her own bright orange frames.