All my life, I couldn’t even get my mother to truly love me. I wasn’t jealous of Emily. I love her like a sister. I’d always wanted the best for her, but I did envy the number of people who actually loved her.
All four of her men.
I had one man who didn’t even care about me. Nope, just a small, thin piece of flesh between my thighs. That was the most interesting thing about me, it seemed. I was a virgin and that gave me value. Nothing else. My mind didn’t matter, or my love of romance. I was worthless.
The door unlocked, and I stayed hung upside down. The blood flowed to my head as I watched Earl enter my room. He leaned against the doorframe. The sane part of my brain told me to be nice. To play whatever game he wanted to play in order to make it out of here alive.
The other part of my brain, the one that seemed to have grown balls and talked right off to him, wanted to get under his skin. That part wanted to make him suffer, wanted to make everyone who treated me as less than suffer.
I’d never been a vindictive person, but at that moment, I could quite safely say it would be so easy to be one.
“What is the meaning of this?”
“No meaning.” I stayed, staring up at him.
He was tall. Handsome. Even with his scar. Why couldn’t he have been ugly? He was older than me. Perhaps in his forties. His age didn’t bother me though. Strange.
“Are you hungry?”
“Will it be undercooked like the eggs?”
He smiled. I liked it. I really shouldn’t, but it was nice.
“You’ve got a smart mouth.”
“You’ve promised not to hurt me.”
“And you believe me?”
“You’d have killed me already.” I rolled over and fell to my knees before him. I was a virgin. I’d never kissed a guy or been felt up by one. Never had one give me an orgasm. The ones I’d given myself were pitiful. It didn’t mean I was completely unaware of sex. I’d seen porn. I’d even heard my mom with some of the men. It was disgusting, and I knew kneeling on the floor, with my hair falling around me, I looked submissive. The clothes available in this room were not so sexy. Sweatpants and a large shirt, but I liked them. I felt like I could hide when I wore them. “Unless what is really going to get you off is the chance of me being dead. Is that what you want, Earl? A dead virgin?”
I watched him closely. He gave nothing so obvious away. It was all in his eyes. The way they stared at me. I hit a nerve, but the truth was I didn’t care.
I wasn’t going to be at his or anyone else’s mercy, not ever again. Even though my heart raced as I fought him, I took great pride in not giving in.
“If you want to eat, follow me.”
My stomach chose that moment to answer for me. Traitorous hunger. Getting to my feet, I followed behind him. The boat was still swaying. Part of me wondered if a shark was circling. I could push him overboard and take over the crew. It would never happen. I had more chance of dying through drowning than taking over this boat.
I expected us to head above deck, but he led me to a sitting room. Along the curve of the room, I saw sofas. They looked so comfortable. A large television screen dominated a wall, and three large boxer dogs lifted up when Earl entered.
“Stay,” he said. His voice commanding, deep, husky.
Another table was set for the two of us.
Earl held out a chair, and I went to it, sitting down, and he slid it beneath the table.
As I sat on my ass, his fingers traced along my arms, and I waited for him to touch me some more. It never came.
I placed the napkin into my lap and watched him sit. He’d changed out of the white trousers, and he now wore gray and white. I was a slob in comparison to him.
“Did you enjoy your bath?”
“Yes, thank you.”
He snapped his fingers, and a man came out. I’d noticed none of the men even looked at me. I wondered if it was because of my ugliness or if he’d ordered them not to. Why would he do that? A small bowl with white-looking soup was placed in front of me. I waited for him to start before picking up my spoon.
I took a spoonful and closed my eyes. Cauliflower, herbs, I thought I detected some rosemary, one of my favorites. I knew not a lot of people liked it, but I did. It was especially good on roast potatoes. I couldn’t believe that while I was seated opposite a man, I was thinking about food and ingredients. I was so fucking weird.