I’d never had that feeling about anyone. She sniffled, wiping under her nose.
“It will pass.”
“Maybe make a wish,” I said. “For the future. You never know, you might meet them again someday.”
Emily shook her head. “Not possible. There’s no way I’m ever going to be with them again. It’s not safe to.” The sadness in her eyes made me feel sick.
There was nothing I could do to make her happy.
Unlike Emily, I was happy. Yes, my mother had been killed, and there were times guilt did hit me at being okay with that. Mom never once cared about what I wanted or what was the best for me. The first day I was bullied at Crude Hill High, she told me I had to learn to fit in. Life wasn’t going to come easy for me.
“Make a wish,” I repeated.
Emily took a breath and as she did, I made a wish also. One day, I hoped she was in love and back with her Monsters.
****
Pulling out of the memory, I felt the tears start to pool again. I didn’t want to cry. I was so sick and tired of crying. Ever since Earl and Caleb left, I’d been pacing the library. I did this. I was running fingers through my hair, scared. Emily had looked so happy when she got that letter, and now, I felt so stupid.
I didn’t advise her to wait.
There was no reason to stop her. She was so happy. It was all I could think about as I left Caleb’s office and made my way to the front door. No one stopped me as I stepped outside. I needed to make sure Emily was okay.
I made my way toward the end of the drive, then came to a complete stop.
Caleb was running toward me. Vadik, Gale, and River weren’t too far behind with Earl coming as well.
The moment I saw Emily, tears filled my eyes. She was passed out in Caleb’s arms. I couldn’t believe the sight of her. She was beaten so badly.
They didn’t stop, and I tied to follow them, but Earl grabbed hold of me.
“There’s nothing you can do right now. They’re taking her to the hospital.”
“Emily.” I screamed her name.
Earl continued to hold me back, and I couldn’t stop screaming. I was the one who was supposed to look out for her. We shared so much together. So many memories.
****
“Make a wish,” I said. This was now her second birthday with me.
“Ashley, you always say this.”
When we were in our apartment, we never used our brand-new names. Dangerous, I knew, but that was how we kept a hold on our reality. It was a reminder of all that we lost.
“Because you rarely get a chance to make a wish. I haven’t seen any falling stars lately, and it’s your birthday. Come on, please, just do this for me.” I always tried to make her birthdays special. She was a hard woman to please.
We never made friends with anyone else. I’d tried to make connections, to really start this new life, but I’d never been good at it. Once people began asking questions and were curious about my life before we moved to England, I had no choice but to cancel or break up any potential new friendships. Emily was content to just have me, I thought. There were times I was sure she wished I’d been killed right along with my mother, like today, when I wanted her to make a wish.
“It’s stupid,” Emily said.
“Come on, there is nothing stupid about it.” I smiled at her, trying to encourage her. “Come on, please, please.”
“Ash, enough, okay.” She stepped back from the cupcake and started to pace our small living room.
I’d taken the time to decorate, purchasing some streamers and balloons. All of them calling out to the birthday girl.
Two years and still, she mourned.
The decision the Monsters had made had destroyed what little hope and happiness Emily had.
“I know it’s stupid. There’s no chance of wishes ever coming true.” I took a deep breath. “Do you know what I wish for?”
Emily looked toward me, bored. That was all on me.
“For someone to one day look at me like I’m the only person in the world.” Tears filled my eyes as I looked at my best friend. “I hope just once I get to experience what you got for a couple of months.”
“I only got it for a couple of months, Ash.”
“Yeah, and there are women out there who go through life and don’t get it with a single guy. You had it with four. Do you know how amazing that is?” I held out the cupcake. “Stop seeing all that you lost, and start realizing all that you gained.”
****
The memory struck me hard, and I felt myself hyperventilating, screaming. I had to protect Emily. She needed me.