"You don't love her?" I shake my head, making her frown. "Then why are you engaged?"
I was afraid of this question, and now that it's come up, I know I have to tell Willa the truth.
"I haven't told you much about myself, have I?"
Willa shakes her head. "I don't know anything. Do you have family?"
I give a shrug. "My mother died fifteen years ago, and my father died when I was young. He was a photographer, like me, but I always struggled to live up to his name. He was a war photographer, interested in culture. He wanted to shock the nation with his images. He always looked down on me, for being just a fashion photographer. But I did that because I knew what my father's absence did to our family."
"He wasn't around much when you were younger?"
I shake my head. "Never. I barely even knew him. And yet I lived my whole life in his shadow."
"I'm sorry, Daddy."
Her words send shivers down my spine and I manage a smile. "When I turned fifty... I realized it was almost too late for me to have a family, a life I envisioned for myself. Without wanting to, I'd walked down the same path my father had taken. I was a loner, without anyone to love, without children I wanted so badly, without a meaningful life."
"So, Elise..."
"Elise is my ex," I mutter. "And she found herself in the same predicament, though she's a little younger than me. We agreed to build a marriage and have a child together, while leaving our relationship open. Though it quickly became apparent this meant more to her than me."
"So now you're stuck."
"I'll break it off, trouble."
"But she won't like that."
I grin. "I don't give a fuck. I want you."
"Do you?"
When I raise my eyes to meet hers, I see the doubt in her gaze and it cuts fucking deep. "Why are you questioning that?"
"Because." She shrugs, not giving a straight answer, and I sit down next to her, pulling her onto my lap so she's straddling me.
"Not good enough, trouble. Tell me the truth."
"I can't compare to her." She won't meet my eyes, so I cage her cheeks with my hands and force her to look at me.
"To Elise? Why?"
"She's older, smarter, successful, beautiful. I'll never be like her. Or at least not for a few years. And I'm not ready for a baby."
"I know," I mutter, kissing her lips. I don't know how to explain it, but none of that matters to me anymore. All I care about is Willa being mine, for ever. "It doesn't matter to me. As long as I can have you."
She heaves a sigh, leaning her forehead against my chest. "I'm tired, Daddy."
"Let's get you to bed."
I lift her up in my arms and carry her to the master bedroom. She looks tiny in it, tucked into the white sheets with her eyes growing heavier and heavier with every blink.
"You need to rest up, trouble," I mutter. "We'll deal with everything tomorrow."
"Tomorrow." She nods, yawning as she stretches. "And tonight, you'll hold me until I fall asleep?"
I smile to myself. "Of course, trouble."
Chapter 13
Willa
Raphael holds me close that night, but when I wake up the next morning, the space in the bed next to me is empty.
I pad out into the kitchen, still wearing his shirt. "Good morning."
Raphael looks up from the stove. "Morning, trouble. Hungry?"
I nod, yawning. The events from last night are only now trickling back in, and my stomach tightens into knots when I remember Nox being taken away in handcuffs. It's because of me that happened.
Dove and the boys must really hate me right now. The thought gives me anxiety and I force it out of my head, unable to deal with the weight of what I've done.
Raphael sets a plate of blueberry pancakes in front of me and I hungrily dig in. There's relaxing music playing in the background, and he must notice my thoughts aren't here as he doesn't ask any questions.
Finally, once I've finished my food, I take my plate to the sink, wash it and place it on the rack to dry before leaning back against the counter. I catch Raphael's gaze and he comes over, caging my body under his and gently tucking my hair behind my ear.
"You okay, trouble?"
I shrug, not knowing what to tell him. The truth is, I'm far from okay. This whole mess happened because of me. Because Raphael knew my parents before he knew me.
"Tell me about it," I whisper.
"About what?"
"You and Dove, and... Nox. There must be some bad blood there."
He gives me a strained smile. "You could say that."
"So, what happened?"
"Same old story," he shrugs. "Your mother picked your father over me. And I was bitter for a long time. Until I met you, actually."