It's not from TyrantDaddy – it's from one of the others I finally replied to. The app tells me he's in New York, and in his text, he's asking me to meet up. I reply with shaky fingers, telling him to get me a hotel room near where I am and meet me there.
I take another moment before I move from the sidewalk.
Memories of my life before New York rush through my mind.
Dove, Nox, the boys. Mercy, before Scott did this to her – to us!
And Raphael.
Raphael, whom I've forced myself never to think about. Raphael, who would surely know a way out of this situation, who would make me feel better, who would kill the men who hurt me tonight.
But Raphael doesn't want me. He made that clear a year ago.
Picking up my suitcase, I start my trek to the hotel where I agreed to meet the guy from the sugar baby app.
Mentally, I've completely checked out already. I know I'm going to have to sleep with this guy, when I haven't slept with anybody in a year.
Well, I suppose that's not true now.
I remember the flash of the camera, that stranger's dirty words, the way he violated me. He turned me into a whore. A piece of meat used for pleasure and to get off.
I don't have a choice now. I picked the wrong path at a crossroads, and there's no going back.
Maybe I deserve this, for doubting Nox, for leaving my loving family. They'd never take me back now if they knew everything I've done. Everything that's been done to me. I'm dirty now. A slut.
And a good girl.
My bottom lip trembles as I continue my trek to the hotel, but I walk with resolution. There's only one goal ahead of me now, and that's survival.
No matter what I have to do to make it happen, I'm going to survive.
Chapter 24
Raphael
I needed you and you weren't there.
I stare at the message on my phone after coming home from a walk with Austin. What the fuck is this about?
I try texting back while Elise puts Austin down for a nap, but the message won't send. I start to realize maybe Willa's blocked my number.
Fear and trepidation make my fingers shake. I can't let this happen. I can't let her sever our ties once and for all, even though she doesn't know we've been talking for the past year.
I walk into the nursery, seeing Elise with our son and feeling only numbness as I watch them together.
"I need to go to New York."
"What?" Elise hisses, turning to face me. "Now?"
"Now," I nod. "It's urgent."
"What about tomorrow's play date? And the dinner we're supposed to go to?"
"I don't give a shit, Elise," I mutter. "I won't be here."
I walk into the closet and start packing my stuff while she watches from the door frame, arms crossed and lips thinned into a line.
"You can't just leave me. What am I supposed to do with Austin? Can't you take him with you?"
"Call the nanny. Just deal with it." I close my suitcase.
"Wow, Raphael. Just wow."
I ignore her, carrying the suitcase through to the hallway. I have never once backed away on a promise when it comes to Austin. And I've done more than my fair share of baby duty. She'll be fine for a few days on her own, it's about time she finally changed a diaper on her own.
But Elise isn't done yet, and the next complaint leaves her lips in a low hiss.
"You're just going to abandon us? When are you coming back? Your son needs you."
"I don't know, a few days," I mutter. "But things are changing when I get back."
"What the fuck do you mean, Raphael?"
"I fucking mean, I'm going to move out," I hiss. "I'll support you and Austin financially, but I'm not going to pretend like we're a happy couple."
"You're a monster," she tells me. "You want to ruin that boy's childhood?"
"No, I want to improve it," I tell her coolly. "And the only way to do that is to leave you, Elise. I'm sick and tired of this. I need to go."
I'm on the way out the door when she grabs me by the forearm and attempts to kiss me, but I pull back, frowning at her as I ask, "What the fuck?"
"Just admit you want me already. You've wanted me all along," she says, a hint of desperation in her voice. "And now we have a baby together, Raphael. What's the point in resisting this any longer? I've given you everything you've ever wanted, haven't I?"
She is so ridiculously mistaken I want to laugh, but I force myself to stay quiet.
"I need to go."
"You can't go." She clings to the sleeve of my jacket. "Please don't leave us, Raphael."
"Do you know where the nappies are and the bottles? You do know how to prepare Austin's bottle, right?"