I can only imagine how hard it is for Raphael to be away from me now that everything's come to light. He must've suffered so much staying away from me. And I haven't even told him the truth about everything that happened in New York. Maybe I'm scared. Maybe it's because there's a small, dark voice inside my mind insisting he won't want me anymore once he finds out.
Today, Raphael stayed with me for hours in the garden, talking about his photography business, telling me everything I'd missed in the year we'd spent away. I silently waved him off as before climbing into bed with my phone.
I haven't touched this phone in weeks, and it still hurts that there's no message from Mercy when I power it back up. She really has given up on me.
I go directly to the sugar baby app and find TyrantDaddy, typing out a message.
I want to tell you what happened in New York. But don't be Raphael. Be TyrantDaddy. Okay?
Less than a minute later, a reply hits my inbox.
Of course. Tell me.
My lips tremble as I start explaining.
I never went to Parsons. I took a lot of drugs and got lost in it because I was so miserable I didn't see another way out. The night before you came to New York, some men came by the apartment. They hurt me and Mercy. That's when I decided to leave.
What men? What did they do to you?
They were some guys Mercy's boyfriend owed money to.
Answer my question, trouble.
You told me you'd be TyrantDaddy, not Raphael.
I'm both, Wills. Now tell me.
I hesitate with my fingers hovering over the screen. How much can I tell Raphael before he tosses me aside and realizes I'm damaged goods?
I don't even know if I can the admit the cold, hard truth to myself.
Does it matter? I type back. I just wanted you to understand why I've been this way. I feel broken.
It matters. Tell me what happened.
I close my eyes, pretending I'm just regaling a horror story that happened to one of my friends. It's easier to accept than the truth.
They came by the apartment one night when we were really out of it. Mercy was shooting up and I'd taken some pills. I blacked out. When I woke up, one of them was inside me.
I send the message, shutting my eyes and wishing I could shut down my pounding heart too. But my phone is ringing now, and I pick it up shakily, answering without saying a word.
"You don't have to speak much," Raphael says. "Just tell me if you'd recognize the guys."
"Y-Yes," I stutter hoarsely.
"Good. Do you still want to stay with Willa and Nox?"
I don't speak, contemplating my answer.
"You could stay with me instead," Raphael offers. "The way it should be. You'll still have therapy, and you'll see them as much as you want. I just want to take care of you. And those men, Wills? I'm going to fucking kill them."
Judging by the intensity of his words, he isn't fucking kidding. I find myself nodding in answer to his question, finally whispering, "Yes, I want to live with you."
"Okay," he mutters. "Start packing. I'm already on my way."
He cuts the call and I get up on shaky feet. I'm on autopilot as I start gathering things from my closet. I don't want to get too excited but there are already butterflies fluttering in my stomach. I've wanted this for a long time. I wanted to be with Raphael all along.
There's a gentle knock on the door, and Dove appears in the hallway.
"Mind if I come in?"
I motion for her to enter, surprised when I see Nox walking in behind her. They both look oddly sheepish as they sit down on my bed, exchanging troubled glances. I sit on the armchair across from them, cocking my head to the side.
"Willa, we..." Nox clears his throat, glancing at Dove. "Err, we... I mean, I... Fuck, I'm bad at this."
"Just say what we talked about, Nox," Dove whispers, patting his hand.
"We know you contacted Theo," Nox says, raising his eyes to mine. "I'm not upset or anything, I wanted to... er, apologize. For lying."
"Robin?" I whisper, and he nods.
"I did go to prison for killing him," he goes on. "I paid my price for the crime I did, and Dove forgave me."
Dove doesn't say a word, just stares at me with a placid expression.
"We understand that you don't really trust us right now," Nox goes on. "And we'll do anything to repair that. We... we don't want the boys finding out, though."
I nod. I can understand that. What would their sons think if they knew Nox was a murderer?
"We also discussed it and we think you should pursue a life with Raphael," Dove adds. "We know you two love each other, and we can't stand in the way of that."