But Raphael's been nothing but patient with me. He hasn't even kissed me. He's remained the perfect gentleman throughout, ever since Nox appeared. He deserves this. And yet I don't want to give it to him.
"I can't leave my house," I whisper. "I… I love it too much..."
"Ok." He smiles to reassure me. "Then let me move in with you, Dove. I want to be with you. Always."
"I..." I bite my lower lip, bad habits coming back to haunt me. "I can't do it. I'm sorry."
I can feel Raphael's gaze on me, but I can't look up. I hate myself for doing this to him. But any other man would've given up sooner. Would have walked away. Not Raphael, though.
"Then answer me this, Dove," Raphael speaks up again. Am I imagining it, or is there a hint of cruelty, an edge of darkness to his voice? I lift my eyes to meet his, and his expression softens. No, I was wrong. He's too warmhearted for me, too kind, too giving. Nox has made me crave the opposite.
"What do you want to know?" I ask.
"Do you want me to keep waiting?"
I don't know the answer to his question. A part of me believes that even if I told him to stop, he wouldn't be able to walk away from me. So, I decide to torture us both, prolonging the inevitable break-up of our friendship. Because that's all it will ever be – at least for me.
He merely nods and we eat the rest of our dinner in silence. But instead of feeling upset about it, I allow my emotions to mellow by listening to the calm, melodic music playing in the restaurant. I remember the doctor's words, how he told me to distract my mind and find strength from the simple things. By the time Raphael and I are finished with our meal, I'm feeling more confident and ready to take on the world again.
We're walking back home when we run into her.
I should've spotted Elise from a mile away with those tottering heels and Pepper barking his head off in her designer purse. She's all but disappeared from my life lately. Partly because her reasons shifted. Partly because I haven't been able to answer any of her messages since I found out the truth about Robin.
"Raphael!" she squeals first, before her eyes fall to me.
Oh.
I forgot about that little detail.
"Dove?" She takes a step closer and her dog growls at me as she kisses each of my cheeks. "How have you been? You two still see each other?"
"Yes," Raphael answers for me, relieving me of the burden. "And we've had a very long day. So, if you don't mind..."
"Oh, sure." Elise's expression falls and she smiles, but it's shaky. "Dove, will you give me a call sometime? I haven't... I haven't forgotten."
My nails try to dig into my hands again but Raphael's strong palm replaces them and he gives me a meaningful look.
"You're okay," he says softly, and I find myself nodding.
That's the thing about Raphael. He's good for me. Unlike Nox, he tries to help me and has me in mind every step of the way. He wants the best for me. He would never hurt somebody I love under the pretense of doing it for our relationship.
As I remember my brother, my stomach tightens into an impossible-to-untangle knot. It hurts. Merely hearing Robin's name is fucking me up. Someday, I'll have to deal with my emotions. But not today. Today, I can keep fucking running.
"I'm sorry," I say to Elise, feeling my voice betray me. "I'll call you when I can. When I feel a little better."
She nods, but the way she looks at us tells me she isn't pleased one bit. I can tell there's something between her and Raphael. If it were Nox, I'd already be losing my mind from the jealousy. But not this time. I'm finding it hard to even care.
Raphael takes my hand and gently tugs me along. "Come on, Dove, we better get going."
I fall into step behind him, leaving Elise standing there. I risk a look over my shoulder, and my eyes connect with the blonde's. She's staring me down, hopeful in a way and annoyed in another. I can tell she doesn't like the friendship I've got with Raphael.
That's too fucking bad, because I'm not going to stop.
***
"Can you turn your shoulder slightly to the left?"
I oblige Raphael's request and he snaps another shot. He grins at me and I offer up a nervous smile. I don't know why I agreed to let him take more photos. But something about the way he does this makes me feel strong instead of vulnerable. Even though I'm naked, I feel confident, powerful. Like I'm the one who decides what happens every step of the way. I never had any of that with Nox. He was too unpredictable for me.