But now I have a new mission – something else to keep me going, because I can't bring myself to think about Nox yet. I can't let myself go there. I can't start picturing what could happen if this all goes horribly wrong. Nox told me it was in his favor that he was turning himself in, but he didn't want me to find legal representation. He seemed determined to pay... no matter the cost.
I keep thinking of the death penalty. When I was younger, I used to have arguments with my mother about it. I thought it was inhumane. I still do. And yet I think about the bright shining star that was my brother, and the black hole he left in my life when he was murdered. Nobody should get away with that. Not even Nox.
Conflicted with my own emotions, I realize there's no way for me to sleep just yet. Instead, I head to a café downtown and pull out the manila envelope containing the information about Willa.
I order myself an oat milk latte and slowly make my way through a blueberry and yogurt muffin as I peruse the file. There's not much there. A phone number – I try it, but the phone is turned off. An address, one I'll check later, even though Nox told me the house was abandoned.
A baby is babbling in a carrier next to me, and I smile at her absentmindedly as I peruse the file. Thoughtfully, my hand comes to rest on my own belly.
"Are you expecting, too?"
I turn my attention to the baby's mother, a younger-than-me redhead with bright blue eyes.
"Oh, no," I mutter with an awkward smile. "Just wishful thinking."
"I hope it happens for you soon," she smiles encouragingly. "It took my husband and me a few years, but we finally have our baby."
She points to the chubby-cheeked replica of her in the buggy who waves her little arms at me.
"She's adorable," I say.
"Thanks. Sophie-Ann is turning one this month, aren't you darling?" She tickles her daughter's chin, making me long for things I may never have. "We adopted her."
"Oh, that's wonderful!" I'm surprised in a good way. "She looks so much like you."
"Yeah," the young mom smiles blissfully. "She's our little miracle. Anyway, we have to get going. Nice meeting you!"
I wave her off and return to my latte, doing my best not to burst into tears again. But I force myself to stop thinking about Nox and focus on Willa instead.
I grab a sandwich for later and head to the address of Willa's house. When I arrive, I realize pretty quickly most of the building's been abandoned. There's one older man who still lives there, but he yells at me to leave, so I do. I keep walking through the neighborhood, soon realizing this must be a school route, since there are kids walking home in their uniforms. I follow them in the opposite direction until I finally reach a brick school. The sign reads Green Valleys Public Elementary.
Deciding this is as good as any guess to Willa's whereabouts, I head inside and ask to see someone on the school board, mentioning Willa's name. I don't have her last name, but I'm given proper attention from the start. The principal herself sees me, wearing a worried expression as she points for me to sit down in front of her desk.
"Is Willa okay?" she asks.
"Well, I was hoping you'd know more than I do about that," I say nervously. "When was the last time you saw Willa?"
"You're not her mother, are you?"
"N-No," I clear my throat.
"Then I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to discuss Willa Baudelaire. I'm sorry."
She gets up and offers me a hand to shake, and reluctantly, I do the same. At least I got the little girl's last name out of this.
As I'm heading for the door, the principal clears her throat. "Miss Canterbury."
"Yes?" I look at her over my shoulder.
"You should ask Mercy Waterstone about Willa," she nods. "The two are best friends. She'll be in the playground about now."
"Thank you," I smile gratefully. "I'm not going to hurt her."
"I know," she nods gravely. "But I worry her mother and stepfather might."
I swallow the bitter pill of what she's told me and head back into the playground resolutely. I pull out a picture of Willa holding a teddy bear. She's freaking adorable, with her pale blonde hair and forget-me-not blue eyes. Her skin is pale and covered in a layer of freckles. Her hair is matted and lacks shine, but nobody can deny what a pretty little girl she is.
I start showing some kids the photos, but most of them shake their heads before their mothers pull them away. I'm becoming a nuisance here, I have to work fast or I risk getting kicked off the playground.