I got pregnant. I had a beautiful baby boy. Now it's just us and Willa. A family, one I'd never realized I needed, desperately so. But I'm not here to tell Nox that he has a son. I'm here because I need his dirty, depraved touch, and I'm fucking done making excuses about it.
I pin the visitors' badge to my dress, careful not to prick my skin with the needle. Then, I walk inside the room where Nox and I will have complete privacy for an hour.
He's already sitting down. I expected him to have cuffs on, but he doesn't. Nox lifts his head and looks at me. I want to cry at the sight of him. He's bruised, battered, but not broken. If I thought a death sentence would've been bad, seeing him this way knocks the breath right out of me. He's being punished for his crime. He's doing this for me. Yet, as I look into his handsome face, I don't know whether I can forgive myself for putting him in here.
I want to tell him so many things, but I stand frozen to the spot. There's a rickety bed in the corner of the room – a reminder this is a conjugal visit. That's what I requested.
"Little bird," Nox mutters and I smile on instinct, because his voice is still the same, and the butterflies in my stomach are still fluttering. "Come here."
I approach him, my heart threatening to beat straight through my chest.
"I can't believe you're here," he mutters, pulling on my hand to bring me closer. I notice the anklet around his foot then, controlling his every move. "I waited so long."
"Nox, I need you." All those words I'd been getting ready to say disappear. All that matters is me and him, and the fact that we're finally touching again. I become helpless in Nox's presence. He pulls me into his arms and we kiss for the first time in three years.
His lips are just as searing, just as passionate as I remember them. I touch the scar on his cheek to ground myself, unable to believe this is really happening, we're really being reunited.
Nox's hands begin to roam my body, and soon, they're impatiently tugging on my dress.
"Rip it off," I manage weakly.
"How will you get out of here without it?"
"I don't care," I whisper.
With a grunt, he rips my dress down the middle, exposing my lingerie. I wore this especially for him, purple and dark, accentuating my pale complexion.
There are so many things we should talk about, but they're all forgotten in the face of our reunion. I'm getting drunk on Nox's scent. He's nipping at my neck now, stumbling toward the bed with me in his arms.
"Wait," I beg him. "Please, we have to –"
"No," he mutters, too distracted by my body to listen. "Need you first."
"We only have an hour."
"I'll make it count." He nuzzles my neck. "Fuck, I can't get enough of it. To smell you again. To fucking feel you again. Fuck, Dove. Let me fuck you."
"No, please," I manage. "Not yet."
"Now."
His voice is so commanding, dark, twisted. It's everything I remember Nox to be, and I can't say no to him. He's the only man I can't pretend with. I'm so used to playing a role, being someone other people expect me to be. But not with him. Not here. Not now.
I lie on the bed. It's lumpy and I close my eyes, trying to pretend we're somewhere else. But Nox grabs me by the throat, making me gasp.
"You don't want to be here, do you?" he asks calmly.
"I'm here, aren't I?" I hiss in response, my defenses picking up. "I stayed away, Nox. I thought that's what you wanted."
"To find out I had a son through a Polaroid photo?"
"You don't even know if he's a boy." I scratch his arms until he lets go, smirking.
"Of fucking course I do. What's his name, Dove?"
I sigh, shaking my head, then whisper the answer. "Kellan."
He kneels in front of me then. He's different. So much different than the last time I saw him, and broken in too many ways for me to count. But he still loves me, I know it. Just like I love him.
"We don't have much time," I whisper. "Please."
He nods, takes a deep breath and picks himself up. When he's standing again, his eyes are so incredibly dark they look black. He pulls the belt from his waist, an orange one to go with the jumpsuit, and expertly ties it around my neck, connecting it into a knot around my tits and then wrists.
"You're learning some tricks in here?" I tease him, my heart skipping a beat as I realize I may have gone too far.
But Nox's dark humor is still there. He slaps my tits, the right one, then the left one. "Watch that tongue, little bird. Don't make me hurt you. Although, you'd probably love that, wouldn't you?"