His deep chuckle reached me, making my also slutty vagina clench slightly. I needed help. No, I needed to find Jesus. Who did that?
“It’s cool.”
No, it really wasn’t ‘cool.’ It was big and looked like it’d be hot while his cock—
“I-I d-didn’t mean—” I spluttered, giving myself a mental smack. “I’m so sorry.”
“You’ve already said that,” he snickered. “I’ve got a towel around me now if you want to turn back around.”
Did I? On the one hand, I should be a mature adult and just laugh the incident off. On the other hand, I was disappointed he was relatively covered up, while also trying not to die of embarrassment.
Keeping my back to him, I shook my head wildly. Option number two was still riding me hard. “Could you pass me the conditioner, please?”
Still sounding amused, he asked, “Which one? Nemi’s got about twenty bottles of the stuff.”
I knew this wasn’t an exaggeration. My girl loved getting new products, even at her young age, and as soon as she saw a commercial for something, she wanted to try it out. I’d drawn the line at anti-aging products, though. Her hair was cool, her skin was a whole other thing.
“The one with a silver lid?”
I heard him moving bottles around, looking for the one I was talking about. “She’s got three of those.”
“It’s a clear bottle with Molton Brown written on it. I can’t remember what the description is, but it should be the only bottle by that company.”
“I think I used the shampoo version of that just now. Or was it the body wash?” It was clear he was talking to himself, but I spun around, having a new freakout.
“She’s got the shampoo and body wash through here, too? Damn it, those bottles cost me a fortune. You know, I had to import them from England, Bond. England!”
He looked from me down to the bottles in his hands. “Um, I didn’t know that.”
“Yeah. Nemi gets her love of toiletries from me because I’m weak when it comes to them. I go online to order something for work, and up comes this ad for something totally irrelevant to what I’m searching for. Well, I hit it every damn time, and if it’s cosmetics or hair care, I can’t help myself.”
I looked to the side and winced when something occurred to me. “Actually, it doesn’t just have to be cosmetics or something in that category. I’m weak when it comes to stuff for work and Nemi, too,” I sighed, feeling my shoulders slump. “I ordered the Molton Brown stuff when I was asleep.”
“You ordered them while you were sleeping?” he choked out. “How does that even happen?”
“I’d seen the ad for the company before I went to sleep, added stuff to my cart, and then hit purchase via Apple Pay while I was sleeping. It’s not the first time I’ve done that, and it likely won’t be the last. At least it wasn’t another cake stand.”
“I have so many questions,” Bond said, sounding like he was holding back laughter. “But I’m going to start with: what all did you order from this company?” he wiggled the bottle at me. “And why did you put stuff in your online cart when you didn’t intend to buy it in the first place?”
“You never go online, add shit to your cart that you want to get, then see the total tally at the end and think ‘fuck that?’” When he shook his head, I threw my hands up in the air. “Really? Everyone does that.”
“I don’t, and if I did, I sure as shit wouldn’t hit the checkout button in my sleep.”
Putting my hands on my hip, I glared at him. “How do you know that for sure? You could have done it in the past and assumed you’d forgotten you’d bought it. That’s how it started with me.”
Shaking his head, he said resolutely, “I’ve never done that in my life, and I sleep like the dead, so it’s unlikely I’d do it in my sleep, either.”
Well, wasn’t this just awesome? First, I stared at his penis like a pathetic loser, and then I admitted my sleep purchasing issues.
“Well, shit happens.” That was the best I could come back with. Fuck my life, I really was a loser.
Rolling his eyes, he shook one of the bottles again. “Back to this, what else did you buy in your sleep.”
Sensing he wouldn’t drop it until I’d answered the question, I said quickly, “Hand wash, body wash, shampoo, conditioner, two travel sets, and body lotion.”
His head jerked as he separated the words that’d come out close to each other. “Are you serious?” When I nodded, he narrowed his eyes at me. “How many bottles of each did you buy?”
Wanting to avoid the question without lying, I repeated, “I bought two travel sets.”