Bored out of his mind, he leaned back against the pillow and watched the movie disinterestedly. On the screen, two men were fucking. It didn’t turn him on in the slightest. There was nothing arousing about watching a dick move in and out of someone’s hairy asshole.
Definitely not gay, then. Still straight.
But instead of making him feel relieved, the thought just made him uneasy and confused. He didn’t get it.
Sighing, Sage turned the TV off.
Closing his eyes, he thought of Laura. Her plush soft lips. Her silky skin. Her full breasts. The way she felt under him. Her wet, tight opening.
His dick remained soft.
Solid, heavy body pinning him down, strong hands pushing his thighs apart, firm lips kissing him, bruising him—
Sage opened his eyes, glanced at the bulge in his shorts and swore through his teeth. For fuck’s sake.
* * *
“All right, what’s going on?”
His girlfriend’s voice was very even. Controlled. Her lovely face was inscrutable as she stared at him from the doorway.
Reluctantly, Sage stepped aside, letting Laura enter his apartment. “I don’t know what you mean,” he said, awkwardly, unable to meet her eyes. His stomach churned. He’d never thought he’d be that guy.
Laura laughed. It was an empty, jarring sound. “I’m not stupid. You’ve been avoiding me for the past week. Ever since—ever since the sex.”
He grimaced. He’d already completely forgotten about their unsuccessful attempt to fix their sex life. “It’s not that.”
“Then what?” she snapped.
Sighing, Sage turned away, walked to the couch and flopped onto it. Stretching out on his back, he closed his eyes and ran a hand over his face.
“Don’t you dare ignore me!”
“I’m not ignoring you,” Sage murmured. “Just trying to man up and tell you the truth.”
A pause. “The truth?”
“Yeah. I didn’t tell you something.” Sage bit the inside of his cheek so hard he tasted blood. “You’ve probably heard the rumors—about things that happen in prison.” She inhaled sharply, but he continued before he could lose the nerve, “When I was in prison, I had sex with a man. I was his—his bitch. He fucked me whenever he wanted. He ordered me to do things. He used me. He basically owned me. And everyone knew.”
The minutes stretched on, the silence weighing heavily between them in a way that it had never had before.
At last, Laura spoke, but her reaction was different from what he had expected.
“You should have told me,” she said hoarsely. “I suspected something like that happened. You should have told me. It wasn’t your fault. You have nothing to be ashamed of—”
“I liked it.”
His face was hot. He didn’t look at her. Couldn’t.
“What?” she whispered.
Bracing himself, Sage finally did look at her. “I liked it,” he repeated, holding her gaze. Strange, but now that he’d admitted it, it was easier. “It embarrassed me, it made me angry, it was humiliating as hell, but deep down, I liked it. I liked being his thing.”
Laura opened her mouth and closed it.
“I liked being fucked,” he heard himself say. He felt as though someone else had taken control of his mouth. Or maybe it was him. Maybe he wanted to shock her, to disgust her, to make her lash out at him. He deserved it.
She stared at him. “Why are you— why are you telling me this? Are you saying you’re gay now?”
Sage chuckled harshly, sat up, and ran a hand over his eyes. “No. Don’t think so. Guys do nothing for me. I even watched gay porn. Maybe it was just bad porn, but it didn’t turn me on at all. So I’m still straight. But…”
“But?”
He averted his gaze. There were still some things that were hard to admit to one’s girlfriend. But after what happened in the park, the problem was impossible to ignore. Sage’s lips twisted. “But I know I’ll end up under him if gets anywhere near me again.”
Silence.
The steady ticking of the clock on the wall was the only sound in the room.
“Are you— were you in love?”
Sage blinked. The question honestly startled him. Love? Xavier?
“Of course not,” he said with a snort. Then, for some reason, he remembered something Xavier had said in the park. Baby. Sage’s stomach did a flip-flop. “Of course not,” he repeated, with less certainty.
“Is he still in prison?” Laura asked.
“No.” Sage hesitated, choosing his words carefully. His stomach twisted into a tight knot that crawled up his throat and settled there. “I ran into him a few days ago.”
“And?”
Sage met her eyes and flushed.
Her breathing hitched. “Oh my god.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice clipped. “I never meant for it to happen. It’s just—when I saw him—when I saw him, I couldn’t stop it. I—I—”
“Shut up. Just shut up.” Laura glowered at him. “I waited a year for you—”
“I didn’t ask you to!”
“I waited a year for you,” she said again, her voice shaking a little. “But you— you— If you expect me to forgive you, fucking think again!”