Just a Bit Unhealthy (Straight Guys 3)

“It’s not the same,” Jared said. “You don’t love me that way—”

“What way?” Gabriel yelled, flushing and breathing hard. “What way? But fine, whatever—leave. I don’t care anymore. You’re just like everyone else.”

Dammit.

Jared touched his shoulder, but Gabriel jumped away and glowered at him. “Don’t touch me. I told you to leave. Bye! Fuck off!”

“Gabi—”

“Don’t you ‘Gabi’ me,” Gabriel said, his face hard. “You know what?” he said, looking Jared in the eye.“I hate you.”

It was like a punch to the gut.

“I wish I’d never met you,” Gabriel said with feeling before stalking out of the room.

Jared stood frozen, staring at the locker and seeing nothing as Gabriel’s words ran in his ears. The worst part was, he knew Gabriel meant them—at least a part of him did.

I wish I’d never met you.

The crowd outside cheered.

Chapter 4: Gone

Normally, Jared liked airports. He liked the different dialects, languages, clothes and customs. He liked watching people buy the last-minute tasteless souvenirs that only foreigners thought were interesting. He liked hearing people’s observations about London: how confusing the underground was, their favorite tourist destinations, and the little cultural differences in food.

But he’d never before seen so many desperate-looking people, crying and tugging at their loved ones as they prepared to board the plane to the U.S. Or maybe he’d simply never paid attention. Every time he’d left England before, he knew he was coming back. Not this time. He would miss England. Jared smiled a bit to himself, remembering the miserably cold, rainy nights in Stoke. On second thought, maybe not.

He glanced at his watch. The boarding would start soon.

“Jared!”

He froze and then turned around.

Gabriel was pushing through the crowd toward him.

Jared’s heart skipped a beat before starting to hammer so loudly that he could hardly concentrate on anything else. A part of him wanted to walk away. But the other part drank in the sight of him—for the last time—and the thought made his chest physically ache.

Then he saw a couple of noisy reporters following Gabriel, shouting questions in his face. Gabe should have worn sunglasses. No wonder he had been recognized.

Jared moved forward to meet him halfway. Ignoring the reporters’ questions, he grabbed Gabriel’s arm without a word and led him to the closest restroom.

Pushing Gabriel inside, Jared shut the door, locked it and turned to Gabriel. “What are you doing here? You shouldn’t have—”

Gabriel fell against him. There was no other word for it: he fell, burying his face in Jared’s shoulder and wrapping his arms around Jared’s waist tightly. “Don’t go,” he said, his voice cracking. “Please. I can’t. I can’t—can’t live without you.”

Jared closed his eyes. His arms came up around Gabriel and squeezed him hard. Gabriel whimpered, nuzzling into his throat, and Jared felt such an overwhelming rush of love that it was painful not to have an outlet for it. He’d never known it was possible to already miss something one held in one’s arms. His throat thick with loss, he squeezed Gabriel even tighter, but it felt like trying to hold onto the sand slipping through his fingers.

“I’m not sorry I met you,” Jared said and Gabriel made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a sob.

“Hey,” Jared said gently, taking Gabriel’s chin and forcing him to look up. Wet green eyes met his, and something clenched in Jared’s chest. Gabriel never cried. He hadn’t cried even when he was paralyzed and nothing they did seemed to help. He hadn’t cried when he was booed and jeered. Gabriel’s nose never became red and his eyes were always bright and dry.

Until now.

“Don’t—”

“I’m not crying,” Gabriel said, lifting his chin stubbornly and glaring at him. “I never cry.”

Jared smiled and wiped the tear at the corner of Gabriel’s eye. “In a few years or even months, you’ll look back and laugh at how silly you were to think you couldn’t live without me.”

Gabriel opened his mouth, but Jared pressed a finger against his lips. “You’ll see. You’re young and—” He swallowed. “What you feel for me is…it isn’t very healthy for you. You’d be better off without me. This…it will pass, and you’ll only be stronger for it.”

He could see that Gabriel wanted to argue, but then something shattered in his expression. “What about you?” he asked instead.

“I’ll be okay, too.” Eventually. Probably. Jared forced a laugh. “I have no intention of being an antisocial, depressed lonely man. Maybe one day, I’ll fall in love with someone who will actually love me back.” At least he wanted to believe it—believe that he was capable of loving someone else. Jared put on a smile. “Everything will work out, you’ll see.”

Gabriel just looked at him as though he couldn’t understand a word of what he was saying.

When the flight’s boarding announcement came over the PA system, Jared cleared his throat, letting his hands fall to his sides. His arms felt empty already. “That’s my flight. I have to go.”