“Hi.”
Alexander sighed. “That’s the French kid. The soccer player.”
“Football player,” Gabriel grumbled. “And I’m not a kid.”
“Jared’s boy?” Christian murmured into Alexander’s ear. “So that’s him? I thought he’d be more handsome. He’s cute, I guess, but Jared’s way out of his league. So why aren’t you letting him in, babe?”
“Because Jared doesn’t need this shit.”
“Jared can take care of himself if that scrawny kid is meaner than he looks.”
“Chris—”
“Let him in,” Christian said. “Trust me.”
Alexander pinched the bridge of his nose and stepped aside.
When Gabriel disappeared into the apartment, Alexander turned to Christian. “Why risk it? Jared’s a lot better now. He’s happy enough.”
Christian gave him a soft smile. “You don’t believe it, either. If Jared really loves Oscar and has moved on, this visit won’t change anything. Look…” Christian looped his arms around Alexander’s neck and carded his fingers through his hair, his dark eyes serious for once.“You thought you were happy with Mila. I know the situations are different, but…” Christian licked the corner of his mouth. “There’s happy and then there’s happy. There’s a difference, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Alexander said, pulling him closer. He nuzzled into Christian’s cheek, breathing him in. He thought of the quiet mornings he woke up and saw Christian drooling on his pillow—of the feeling of rightness that swept over him as he watched Christian’s sleeping form. Before he met Christian, he had thought he was happy with his girlfriend. But compared to what he felt with Christian—for Christian—his feelings for Mila had been a joke. A pale imitation of the real thing. “Yeah,” he said again. “But that kid will bring Jared nothing but pain. He’s straight.”
“I vaguely remember that you used to think you were straight, too,” Christian said with a smile.
Alexander shook his head. “It’s different. He’s one hundred percent straight. Settling for a nice guy who loves him is the best option for Jared.”
“Settling for someone you don’t love should never be okay,” Christian said.
“I know.” Alexander squeezed him, suddenly feeling a rush of gratitude for what he had. “But it happens all the time.”
“But—”
“Look,” Alexander said, pulling back to look him in the eye. “I know you like Jared and only have good intentions, but trust me, that guy…he’s fucked up. He looks like a vulnerable, innocent boy, and he might even be pretty nice most of the time, but there’s something ugly and ruthless under the surface.”
Christian laughed incredulously. “Come on, no way—”
“Chris,” Alexander said grimly. “A year ago, he told me he’d never give Jared up, no matter the cost. He threatened that he’d make sure Jared never talked to me again if I told Jared anything. He implied Jared would always choose him over anyone else, including his closest cousin.”
Christian’s mouth fell open.
“Yeah,” Alexander said. “Let’s hope he was wrong. When Jared left England, I thought it proved that Gabriel was wrong, but...”
“Stop worrying about Jared. He’s a big boy.”
“I just don’t get what Jared sees in him.”
“You can’t rationalize love,” Christian said, shrugging. “Or you wouldn’t be with me.”
Alexander leaned in and kissed his soft lips. God, he loved those lips.
“I don’t know,” he muttered when they finally broke the kiss. “I think my choice was pretty rational. You’re beautiful inside out.”
Christian laughed, his eyes warm and cheeks flushed. “You didn’t think that when we first met.”
“Well, you were very annoying.”
Christian poked his tongue out. “And you had a stick up your ass. Actually, it’s been a year and it’s still not completely out.”
“I take it back,” Alexander said. “You’re still annoying.”
“You love me.” Chris dimpled and kissed him briefly. “You’re totally crazy about me.”
Alexander sighed. “I guess I am,” he said grimly before grinning and kissing him back.
He was.
Chapter 9: Fighting Gravity
Gabriel took his jacket off and looked around the crowded room, his heart beating so rapidly he felt a little dizzy for a moment. He shouldn’t be here. What was he doing here? Why had he listened to Tristan, of all people?
Because that’s what you wanted all along, whispered a voice in the back of his mind. Because Tristan was just the last push he had needed. Because Jared had been wrong. Time didn’t help. If anything, he felt shittier with every passing day, losing interest in everything. Even football. Even his son. Even Claire. He could no longer deny that something was wrong with him. He could remember his love for football, his attraction and love for Claire, his dreams about a family, but he couldn’t feel any of those things anymore. It was like something was broken inside of him, something that had stopped working right. Sometimes he wondered if there had always been something fundamentally wrong with him, and Jared was the reason he could feel love at all. He used to be happy with Claire, but he used to receive an abundance of love from Jared at the same time. He might have underestimated how much his relationship with Jared affected his state of mind and his relationships with other people. Now that Jared was gone, he couldn’t feel a thing anymore— anything besides the feeling of incompleteness and disconnection from the world. Fuck, it was beyond messed up.