Someone cleared their throat.
Goddammit.
Breathing hard, Jared wrenched his lips away.
“Jared.”
Alexander was standing in the doorway. His face was mostly expressionless, but Jared knew his cousin well.
“Oscar’s been looking for you,” Alexander said.
Jared flinched, a wave of shame and guilt washing over him. Fuck. He’d completely forgotten about Oscar.
Still painfully aroused, he nodded briskly and moved to leave the room, but a hand on his arm stopped him.
Gabriel searched his face. “I’ll see you in London, right?” he said, uncertainly.
Jared stared at Gabriel’s swollen lips—swollen from his kisses—and then into the green eyes he loved so much.
“Jared, don’t do this,” Alexander said quietly.
Gabriel glared at him over Jared’s shoulder before looking back at Jared. “Jay—”
“Go home,” Jared said, shoving his trembling hands into his pockets. “I need to think.”
Gabriel opened his mouth to argue but seemed to think better of it. Stepping closer, he hugged Jared. “I love you,” he whispered, only for his ears. “Remember that.”
Jared nodded and allowed himself to drop a chaste kiss on Gabriel’s forehead.
But of course Gabriel was having none of it. He leaned in and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. It took all of Jared’s self-control to stop himself from deepening it.
“I’ll see you soon,” Gabriel said, pulling away. He smiled and gave Jared a long, oddly hungry look before walking out.
“Don’t say anything,” Jared said when he and his cousin were left alone. “I know what you’re going to say and you’re right. I shouldn’t do it.”
Alexander heaved a sigh. “I just hope you know what you’re doing. That kid will break your heart again if you let him.”
Jared met the eyes so like his own and smiled without mirth. “I know.”
Chapter 11: Disillusioned
“All right, what’s going on?” Oscar said as soon as they returned to Jared’s house.
Jared pulled his shirt off and turned to Oscar. He didn’t bother feigning ignorance; only an idiot wouldn’t have noticed how quiet he’d been during the drive home, and Oscar wasn’t an idiot.
“You can tell me anything,” Oscar said, his gray eyes kind and concerned.
Jared stared at his strong handsome face. Then he grabbed Oscar’s arm and yanked him closer. Oscar made a surprised noise that was swallowed by Jared’s mouth. Jared kissed him hard, trying to feel something—anything. Oscar moaned and kissed back, sliding his hands under Jared’s shirt, and it felt—
It felt wrong. It felt wrong, and dirty, as though he was cheating on Gabriel, which was so ridiculous it made Jared angry. Angry with Gabriel, but mostly angry with himself. Why did the kisses Gabriel had allowed him to have feel so much better than Oscar’s passionate kisses? It made no sense. He liked Oscar. He wanted to love him. Oscar was the perfect boyfriend any gay man could wish for.
He wasn’t Gabriel.
Jared shook the thought off. He’d been content enough with Oscar until Gabriel had shown up. He could be content with Oscar again. He just had to try instead of pining for something he could never truly have.
Oscar laughed breathlessly when Jared pushed him into the bed.
At least physically he could still feel what his mind and his heart couldn’t. He managed to get hard, and he managed to stay hard until he pushed inside Oscar.
Then, everything went wrong: Oscar’s bright blond hair became darker, his skin paler and softer, his body slimmer, and then it was Gabriel looking up at him trustingly. And something snapped inside of him, his cock swelling, his blood burning.
Afterward, Jared could barely remember the sex. He remembered the want, the love, and the gut-wrenching longing rushing through his blood. He remembered the name that left his lips when he came. It wasn’t Oscar’s.
For a long, tense moment, there was no sound at all.
Then Oscar shoved him off before sitting up and reaching for his clothes.
Jared turned onto his back, feeling like the biggest asshole on the planet.
“You should have told me,” Oscar said tersely, standing up to pull his jeans on. “You should have fucking told me you were in love with someone else. Then I wouldn’t be such a…” He chuckled, shaking his head. “You should have told me.”
“I didn’t think it mattered.”
Oscar started buttoning up his shirt, his movements stiff, wooden. “It mattered,” he said. “If I knew I was just a rebound for you, I wouldn’t have been stupid enough to—to…”
Jared got rid of the condom. “I’m sorry.”
“Right. You’re sorry.”
Jared got out of the bed and put a hand on Oscar’s shoulder. “I really am,” he said quietly. “I know better than anyone how much this sucks. He’s straight and he will never truly be mine.”
A humorless laugh left Oscar’s throat. “Right now I can’t really feel sorry for you.” He turned around, his lips twisted into a smile that looked more like a grimace. “I thought you were the one for me, you know.”