Just a Bit Ruthless (Straight Guys 6)

Luke frowned. “I told you already: he never forced me to do anything I didn’t want. Yes, Roman is very far from being a saint, but one thing he isn’t is a rapist. So drop it, okay?”

James pressed his lips together. “I just can’t see it working long-term. He’s going to break your heart.”

Luke looked down at his hands. “Aren’t all people in relationships in danger of that happening? If we live in constant fear of having our hearts broken, we’ll never take the chance to be happy.”

“Yeah, but that man is—”

“That man,” Luke cut him off, a slight edge appearing in his voice, “is the man who makes me happier than I’ve ever been. Please respect it. Please.”

“Sorry,” James said, wincing. “You do look very happy. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I don’t want me to get hurt, either,” Luke said calmly. “Look, I get where you’re coming from, but I don’t think you have a reason to worry. Roman—he…” Luke trailed off, thinking of going to sleep in Roman’s arms and waking up so tangled with him that it was hard to tell where Roman ended and he began. Luke smiled softly. “He cares for me. I know he does.”

James’s expression remained skeptical. “Has he told you that? That he loves you?”

Luke gave a short laugh. “I haven’t exactly said the words, either. It’s just—it doesn’t matter—I mean, of course it matters, but—” He cut himself off, frustrated by his inability to put his thoughts into words. “He’s not really the type to talk about feelings, and I don’t think the words are all that important. I think what you feel around the person is more important than pretty words. And I feel…” Warmth spread from his chest to his face. “I feel fucking cherished when I’m with him. Like I’m something precious. And that means more to me than any sweet words.”

“Oh,” James said, his face finally softening. He smiled. “Fine, okay. If he makes you that happy, that’s all that matters. But aren’t you scared? Even a bit?”

Luke smiled back. “I’m scared shitless. But not for the reasons you think. I’m scared of scaring him off. You know what I’ve always dreamed of.”

A wrinkle appeared on James’s forehead. “A nice guy to build a family with. You still want it?”

“I don’t want a nice guy,” Luke said, snorting. “Roman kind of ruined all other men for me. I want only him.” All the time. “But the thing is, I didn’t stop wanting other things. I still want kids. I want a family of my own. But wanting them with him isn’t just stupid—it’s dangerous. He is who he is. I get super anxious every time I don’t hear from him while he’s away. Bringing kids into the picture would only make it worse even if Roman was willing to.”

“Wait,” James said, his eyes widening. “Kids? Don’t you think it’s a bit too fast? Even Ryan and I haven’t discussed kids and we’ve been inseparable since childhood!”

“Obviously I don’t want kids now,” Luke said with a laugh. “To be honest, I don’t think I’m anywhere near ready to share him with anyone. I want him all to myself.” Luke blushed. He’d never thought he was capable of being so possessive. It was kind of mortifying. “But you know me, Jim. At some point in the future, I would love to have his babies.” Even thinking of dark-haired, blue-eyed little boys and girls made him smile dreamily. Luke sighed. “And I shouldn’t want it. I’m just setting myself up for disappointment.”

James looked thoughtful. “I think you should ask him. It’s better to test the waters now, to see if he’s open to the idea. This way, if he refuses point blank, at least you’ll know for sure it’s not a possibility. It’ll suck, yeah, but honesty is always the best policy.” James smiled without much humor. “Lying and hiding what you want for years is never a good idea, trust me.”

“Don’t you think it would be pushy? I don’t want to be too pushy.”

James snorted. “You’re, like, the opposite of pushy, mate.”

Luke almost laughed. James just hadn’t seen him with Roman. He hadn’t seen how insatiable and needy Luke was with him. Luckily for him, Roman seemed to like it, but surely there must be some boundaries? Talking about children so early in a relationship was probably one of them.

“I’ll think about it,” Luke said, frowning. James’s advice was sound, but he couldn’t imagine Roman giving the positive answer.

“Hey, chin up,” James said, knocking their knees together. “I don’t want your Russian mobster to come after me because I upset his boy.”

Luke chuckled. “Don’t be ridiculous,” he said, blushing a little. He knew Roman would care if he saw him upset, and that knowledge warmed him to the tips of his toes.