Just a Bit Shameless (Straight Guys 8)

Sam watched the car disappear before going inside the house.

He locked the door and leaned back against it, a small smile curling his lips. He knew he was being ridiculous—he still had no idea where they really stood—but fuck, he felt a little bit happy. Was it wrong? To be happy even though it likely wouldn’t last?

But what if it did?

Chapter 23

Dominic unlocked the front door and pushed it open.

The house was as quiet and dark as one would expect it to be at two in the morning. Dominic could only smile wearily remembering his words to Sammy that he would see him in the evening. Sometimes he hated his job—both his jobs. He was only twenty-seven, but thanks to his double life, sometimes he felt years older.

Sometimes he wondered why he was doing this. While his employment at Grayguard had started out as an easy cover, now he had the job of a department head on top of his MI6 job. As a result, on days like this, he felt bone-tired, barely able to drag himself home, his head pounding and his body sore.

Maybe he was just getting too old for a double life, especially one as demanding as his.

That was why he was hesitant about accepting the position of Chief of SIS when the higher-ups would eventually force Amanda to step down in a few years. He didn’t think he could juggle the two directorial positions effectively. He was struggling already as it was. But then again, days like this didn’t happen all that often.

Sighing, Dominic pushed the door to his bedroom and went still.

Sammy was sleeping on his bed.

It was clear that he had been trying to wait up for Dominic: the bedside lamp was on and there was an open book next to Sammy. The fact that Dominic hadn’t noticed the dim light before entering the room spoke volumes about how tired he was. His lapse in vigilance still didn’t please him, making him wonder once again if he needed to change something about his work. It wouldn’t matter that he had the best mission success rate if he was ambushed in his own home because he was too tired to pay attention.

Dominic walked closer to the bed, his footsteps silent. Loosening his tie, he looked down at the sleeping boy. An odd feeling settled low in his stomach when he realized that the black t-shirt Sammy was wearing was his.

Taking his tie off, Dominic started unbuttoning his shirt, his eyes still on the boy sprawled in his bed. He had trouble looking away. The sight was deeply satisfying on a primal level, which… made him cringe. He’d never considered himself a possessive man, had never been one in any of his relationships, not even over the only woman he ever loved. And yet here he was, being all caveman and shit over a boy he’d given a home to.

Christ, what a mess. He should have never touched Sammy that way. What happened during the mission should have stayed there. Now, with the lines blurred, he’d needlessly complicated everything.

For the first time in years, Dominic felt at a loss what to do. He wasn’t willing to hurt the boy by saying that he’d regretted fucking him and that they shouldn’t do it again. But continuing fooling around with Sammy would be a mistake too. A crush was harmless enough. But crushes could grow into something more, something that hurt. If he were thinking rationally, he would have let Sammy get laid by someone else—someone gay. That would have been the right thing to do. Sammy should meet a nice, gay bloke his own age who could return his feelings and make him happy. Someone who wasn’t a manipulative asshole who lied, killed, and used people for a living.

His jaw clenching, Dominic undressed briskly and went to the bathroom.

After showering and finishing his nightly routine, Dominic paused, looking at his reflection in the mirror. He tried to see what Sammy saw in him. All he could see was a tired-looking man with blank eyes and a blank personality. He spent so much time pretending to be someone he wasn’t that he was no longer sure who the hell he was and what he wanted.

Dominic turned away from the mirror.

When he emerged from the bathroom, Sammy was sitting up in the bed, blinking groggily. “Nick?”

“Hey,” Dominic said, walking to his wardrobe. He pulled out a fresh pair of boxers and pulled them on before getting in bed with a sigh.

“Tired?” Sammy said sympathetically.

Dominic made an affirmative noise, closing his eyes.

“I’ll go, then.”

He should let him go. But dammit, he wanted Sammy’s warmth, wanted to bury himself in it until the cold, hollow feeling in his chest went away.

“Stay.”

He didn’t have to open his eyes to know that Sammy was smiling as he lay down and snuggled up under his arm.